Communication: Going Beyond Verbal and Non-Verbal

Most everyone wants to improve their communication skills on some level, generally because we all understand that better communication can provide the key to better relationships, more success in business, more sales/revenue, happier customers, and engaged employees.  Most everyone understands that communication is not exactly as simple as 2 cans and some string.  Often, we experience challenges communicating with certain types of people.  Or, ahem, very specific people; a family member, coworker, former boss, former friend, ex significant other, etc...  It doesn't seem as simple as "Message Sent.  Message Received."  It's not.

Beyond the verbal simplicity of communicating with others, all the various non-verbal actions add layers of complexity to any face-to-face conversation. Yet there is more beyond this.  What about all the assumptions that both sides bring to the table, often before they have even met?

The Halo Effect
Have you ever witnessed a parent who looks right past all their child's dastardly behavior and swears up and down their child is the most angelic, perfect kid?  Often they are not just saying that; they really believe it.  This is the halo effect; when every word and deed of the child is seen as proof they are angelic.  The parent in this case, has their mind made up, and they can see only the good in their child's behavior.  You've seen this at work too with bosses and their favorites. When a person is tuned into certain behavior and expectations regarding another person, and over time enough things "prove" this to be true, at a certain point almost every single thing they do and say will strengthen the belief that they will always meet these expectations.

The Opposite of a Halo is...
The halo effect also works the other way: when you believe someone will behave badly or fail time and time again, they will seem to consistently you right.  Again, we can cite examples of parent/child and boss/employee.  You have likely worked with someone or remember a kid in school that everyone thought was weird.  Everything they said was weird, their clothes seemed weird, and no one wanted to pick them for Dodgeball or debate team.  However, I'd be willing to bet that if the popular kid in class said or did some of those exact same things, people would have reacted very differently.

What about when the tables are turned? 
Have you been the recipient of the halo effect, either good or bad?  Were you teacher's favorite?  Or always getting in trouble for stuff you didn't do?  One of my clients about a year ago came to me because she was miserable regarding her work and wanted to consider other career options. Somehow the halo effect had turned her work group against her.  NOTE: this person is very sweet, sincerly nice, courteous, intelligent, pretty quiet, kind of good looking, and quite stylish.  Unfortunately something started it, probably a very minor misunderstanding and well over some period of time, it seemed that this group could only see shortfalls in this person.  She was given a poor performance review, although none of the problems could be substantiated; unfortunately her manager had fallen prey to the halo effect too, in a bad way. She left that company and started doing something else and is much happier now, and has good relationships in her work and personal life.  Bottom line: the light cast by the halo effect is very powerful, especially when it becomes a belief held by multiple people in a group.  In this case, and in many others, the belief is not the reality...   We've all witnessed experienced something similar- in school, at work, in other groups, maybe even at church or community groups.

The Halo Effect on Relationships
To an extent it seems like human nature, and it is. We label, categorize, and stereotype.  Consider the influence that these inaccurate assumptions have on communication between people, your own communication, your relationships at work, in your life. 

Who have you -maybe- cast the halo effect on where what you see reflected is something other than reality?  On some level, just about everybody you know.  Think about it...how many people understand YOU, your thoughts, your silly private jokes, your humor, your worries, your quirks?  What if they were constantly misinterpreted because people already had their mind made up about you?  How many people knows you very, very well? 

This isn't about you feeling bad, it's about awareness and realizing what type of expectations you have of other people.  Consider your next planned conversation, maybe it's a meeting or social occasion, and the person you'll be talking with.  Have you been making some assumptions about them?  Are you expecting some behavior or thoughts of them that you can't really be sure about?  Try something different this time: right now, think about what potential they have and what could happen, what are they really capable of, if given a real chance.

Now you have some understanding of the power of the halo effect on communication, on relationships, on potentially every conversation and transaction in your daily life and work.  Really notice this week when you observe this happening, and consider the how the result might be different if the expectations were different. 

ACTION:
Think of one person each in your professional and personal arenas.  What if you start expecting the best, realistic outcome from these people? 

An Even More Powerful Effect
One final take-away:  Have you unknowingly been applying the halo effect to yourself?  Good or bad? What expectations do you have of yourself? Do you find that everything you do just proves your case?  It's not just about communication, but yes the halo effect definitively has power in your relationships, with others, and with yourself.  Acknowledge when based on assumption verus fact...true knowledge is power!

Partners in Business: from the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly –to Great!

How to profit from and enjoy each other’s personal and professional strengths in business.

Choosing a partner in business is just as important as choosing the right marriage partner, yet many people “fall into bed with” someone in business and "wake up" later wondering what happened. It starts innocently enough, as a fun idea over drinks after-hours, then suddenly it can take on a personality of its own and can overwhelm a friendship or other relationship with all the sticky details of running a business. The stress builds and soon the partners can hardly stand each other, from the varying ways they prioritize business activities, different approaches with clients or employees, and annoying personal habits they bring to the office.

We all know roughly the statistics on marriages that break up citing financial reasons…is it any wonder that most business partnerships end for similar reasons?  However, most often financial problems are symptom of relationship problems or partnership “personality” challenges.

Creating Great Partnerships for Great Business:
I. Choose the right partner; this critical step is often flubbed up. Take time for discussions about many aspects of the business, go through what-if scenarios, and expectations.

II. Create the partnership business plan and agreement together before the business really takes off.  Both of these are best when kept simple but usable.  Hire an attorney familiar with partnership contracts, and actually go through the process of discussing and agreeing. (I believe this step alone could prevent as much as 50% of future partnership dissolution.)

III. Check to see if you have the same dream, as far as what the business provides. Are you assuming early retirement and moving to the Caribbean, when your partner is planning to work in the office daily until they pry his cold, dead fingers from the desk? What about the vision for the business? Maybe one partner is expecting to expand into new markets, while the other feels it ruins the integrity of the business to grow beyond one location. It takes conversation and brainstorming strategically (and sometimes a facilitator or coach) to be on the same page. And agreement; what may seem like a grudging compromise can grow into a solution where both partners are truly happy.

IV. Establish policies, guidelines, or protocols for doing business and handling common activities.  What criteria do you use in decision-making? Do half your employees follow one partner’s guidelines, and half the other’s? Do your staff members feel they get caught in the crossfire? Consider how this affects the work environment, the clientele, the bottom line.

Many partnerships go through “the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” phases and sadly most that get to this point break up. Some come to another end, hopefully with an arrangement that allows them to resume their former camaraderie without financial strain. Some partners buy the business, others agree to switch to silent/investor-only/limited partnerships and let the more business-talented partner act as business owner, and others form a custom arrangement that allows for win/win.

Then again, some partners (the few, the proud) work out their differences, get their purpose, mission, and goals aligned, and become Great Partnerships, running Great businesses. Yes, it is worth some consideration. After all, you were attracted to the idea of working together once upon a time…

ACTION: Answer the following questions separately, and then discuss together.
*What made the partnership such a great idea back then?
*What are the top 3 things your partner brings to the partnership?
*What do see as the top 3 things you bring to the partnership?
*How can you work together to create more positive business results?

SPECIAL OFFERS
Through the end of June 2010: SWOT Analysis for Business Owners. Up to three partners, same price as one owner. Only $350.


Also great for Partners: “Purpose, Mission, Goals” 3 month coaching program, only $1500.  Focus is on where all the time, money, and effort goes, and specifically what long- and short-term results are expected.  What results would you like to change first?