Negotiate: Don't Just Say YES!

Whether in sales or job hunting, and any other time it matters, don't accept the very first thing!  I was in a conference yesterday presenting on Negotiating skills when a very important point came up: When you are offered a job, it's important not to accept the offer exactly as they make it, but to ask for something that you want, and allow them the compromise.  Think about it: let's say you're out shopping and find a street vendor who has something you want.  You offer a price, and they gleefully accept quickly, money and goods change hands, and as you walk away you can't help but feel a bit deflated.  Yes, you got the item you wanted, but it seems obvious you paid more than needed, and you wonder about the quality. 

Stop Apologizing!

STOP APOLOGIZING SO MUCH (unless you really need to.)  How often do you apologize repeatedly for something minor, or for something that isn't your fault, or maybe for just being you?

Stop apologizing when you don't need to!
For example, have you ever seen a colleague be late to a meeting, and after texting "sorry" on the way once or twice, then apologizing 1-2 times when they enter the meeting,

Business Relationship Success: 4 Habits to Master

These are certainly not complex, but for most people "life gets in the way," excuses are made, and somehow these no-brainers take a back seat to daily distractions.  During my daily listening to and reading motivational info from experts in business (an activity I highly recommend for everyone), I was reminded from Dan Sullivan of 4 simple habits when dealing with others in business (and life) that foster more success.  A blatant disregard for these 4 destroys trust, loses respect, and turns off previously raving fans. Most people agree these make sense and are not difficult, but they aren't doing them consistently.  For those that do, success is theirs.

WOM is the Key to Growing Your Business!

Do you find yourself wondering when all the effort is going to pay off and your business will start overflowing with profit?  Most all business owners in the growth phase feel doubt and fear about where the business is going to come from. The most successful get really strategic and do more WOM.  Just last week, I was sitting near the front in a meeting, and a guy stood up with the mic in his hand and said, "Hi, my name is Shawn. Uh, it's been three years since my last...

Part 2: How Today's Leaders Are Like Successful Athletes

Part 2 of 3

2. They learn to work as a part of a team.
Everyone on the team understands and plays with the knowledge that every player has a clear role on the team, and yet when needed for team success, anyone steps in and does what is needed to win.

Selling With Confidence

Feel like you want or need more Sales Moxie or Mojo? Do you berate yourself for not asking for the sale, speaking with confidence, or generally being uncomfortable or even afraid in sales situations?  There are some easy ways to feel more comfortable and confident when selling.

After all, "sell" is a 4-letter word.
But "sell" is not a bad word! Successful sellers are helpful, influential, and skilled at finding a match with customer needs --rather than manipulative-- so you can quit worrying about changing your personality!  You probably just need to rev up your confidence.  Yes, there is definitely the idea of too much confidence in sales which can come across as aggressive, "sales-y" or pushy, and this approach is the cause of most buyer's remorse, returns, and canceled contracts.  Yet the other side of the spectrum is probably worse because although it makes friends and establishes comfort with prospects and buyers, it is simply not as effective (as the overly confident sales approach) in terms of actual sales.  Let's face it, provided you believe in your product or service, you can't truly help people if you don't offer them ownership.

Why do people buy from sharks?
Bottom line: they respect sales confidence.  Think about how your own buying experiences validate this. As buyers, we want

Communication: Going Beyond Verbal and Non-Verbal

Most everyone wants to improve their communication skills on some level, generally because we all understand that better communication can provide the key to better relationships, more success in business, more sales/revenue, happier customers, and engaged employees.  Most everyone understands that communication is not exactly as simple as 2 cans and some string.  Often, we experience challenges communicating with certain types of people.  Or, ahem, very specific people; a family member, coworker, former boss, former friend, ex significant other, etc...  It doesn't seem as simple as "Message Sent.  Message Received."  It's not.

Beyond the verbal simplicity of communicating with others, all the various non-verbal actions add layers of complexity to any face-to-face conversation. Yet there is more beyond this.  What about all the assumptions that both sides bring to the table, often before they have even met?

The Halo Effect
Have you ever witnessed a parent who looks right past all their child's dastardly behavior and swears up and down their child is the most angelic, perfect kid?  Often they are not just saying that; they really believe it.  This is the halo effect; when every word and deed of the child is seen as proof they are angelic.  The parent in this case, has their mind made up, and they can see only the good in their child's behavior.  You've seen this at work too with bosses and their favorites. When a person is tuned into certain behavior and expectations regarding another person, and over time enough things "prove" this to be true, at a certain point almost every single thing they do and say will strengthen the belief that they will always meet these expectations.

The Opposite of a Halo is...
The halo effect also works the other way: when you believe someone will behave badly or fail time and time again, they will seem to consistently you right.  Again, we can cite examples of parent/child and boss/employee.  You have likely worked with someone or remember a kid in school that everyone thought was weird.  Everything they said was weird, their clothes seemed weird, and no one wanted to pick them for Dodgeball or debate team.  However, I'd be willing to bet that if the popular kid in class said or did some of those exact same things, people would have reacted very differently.

What about when the tables are turned? 
Have you been the recipient of the halo effect, either good or bad?  Were you teacher's favorite?  Or always getting in trouble for stuff you didn't do?  One of my clients about a year ago came to me because she was miserable regarding her work and wanted to consider other career options. Somehow the halo effect had turned her work group against her.  NOTE: this person is very sweet, sincerly nice, courteous, intelligent, pretty quiet, kind of good looking, and quite stylish.  Unfortunately something started it, probably a very minor misunderstanding and well over some period of time, it seemed that this group could only see shortfalls in this person.  She was given a poor performance review, although none of the problems could be substantiated; unfortunately her manager had fallen prey to the halo effect too, in a bad way. She left that company and started doing something else and is much happier now, and has good relationships in her work and personal life.  Bottom line: the light cast by the halo effect is very powerful, especially when it becomes a belief held by multiple people in a group.  In this case, and in many others, the belief is not the reality...   We've all witnessed experienced something similar- in school, at work, in other groups, maybe even at church or community groups.

The Halo Effect on Relationships
To an extent it seems like human nature, and it is. We label, categorize, and stereotype.  Consider the influence that these inaccurate assumptions have on communication between people, your own communication, your relationships at work, in your life. 

Who have you -maybe- cast the halo effect on where what you see reflected is something other than reality?  On some level, just about everybody you know.  Think about it...how many people understand YOU, your thoughts, your silly private jokes, your humor, your worries, your quirks?  What if they were constantly misinterpreted because people already had their mind made up about you?  How many people knows you very, very well? 

This isn't about you feeling bad, it's about awareness and realizing what type of expectations you have of other people.  Consider your next planned conversation, maybe it's a meeting or social occasion, and the person you'll be talking with.  Have you been making some assumptions about them?  Are you expecting some behavior or thoughts of them that you can't really be sure about?  Try something different this time: right now, think about what potential they have and what could happen, what are they really capable of, if given a real chance.

Now you have some understanding of the power of the halo effect on communication, on relationships, on potentially every conversation and transaction in your daily life and work.  Really notice this week when you observe this happening, and consider the how the result might be different if the expectations were different. 

ACTION:
Think of one person each in your professional and personal arenas.  What if you start expecting the best, realistic outcome from these people? 

An Even More Powerful Effect
One final take-away:  Have you unknowingly been applying the halo effect to yourself?  Good or bad? What expectations do you have of yourself? Do you find that everything you do just proves your case?  It's not just about communication, but yes the halo effect definitively has power in your relationships, with others, and with yourself.  Acknowledge when based on assumption verus fact...true knowledge is power!

Dealing With Difficult People

This is a topic that keeps coming up in professional circles over and over. Why such a hot topic? Is the world filled with horribly rude people, stepping on each others' toes? Well, while there are some horribly rude people out there, but the vast majority of "difficult" people are just like you -and me. People who get things done, people who are in a hurry, people who have trouble hearing or speaking are often seen as difficult. Regular people, me and you, can easily be seen as "difficult" in some situations. Which leads me to the first tip in Dealing With Difficult People:

Consider this about a difficult person:
They might just be having a bad day. See them as a regular person, and look to give them a temporary pass for their behavior. This works wonders for most encounters of the difficult kind.

But what if it's someone you know fairly well and they are a pain all the time? A temporary pass isn't going to cut it...

Realize this one key trait about chronically difficult people:

They are still human beings. Sure, they are rude and put a major cramp in people's days all over the place. How can they be so selfish? Can't they see that they are causing so much trouble? Maybe, but what if they don't realize it, or they have something going on in their life that is much bigger than a little rudeness? In this case, put yourself in their shoes and consider what the causes might be. Even if this doesn't change things, it may help you understand them better. Yes, you may need to use your imagination!

Seek to understand.  It is critical to realize that we are not all coming from the same frame of reference. What is tolerated or even revered behavior in some families or cultures could be considered in poor taste or downright unethical in others. When two people are not comparing apples to apples, they will likely never have full understanding. Realize too that people have different "wiring" in their brains; different ways of perceiving and dealing with the world around them, and of interacting with others. No approach is necessarily wrong, they are all just different. Attempt non-judging. If you don't respect them, it's very likely they don't respect you and see your behaviors as equally offensive (although you do not intend this outcome).

Pinpoint the specific areas of difficulty.
When dealing with a person, consider them as a whole person with only a few areas that need work instead of the reverse. a "halo effect" which assumes the worst about all things regarding them. Once you are able to separate the behaviors from the person, you are well on your way to better interactions with them.

Show them how it's done.
You know that saying about not worrying about your neighbors trash cans when your own lawn needs mowing?  Focus on making your own improvements regardless of how masterful you may be.  Strive for perfection if need be, becoming a better communicator and colleague/family member/friend.  Not only does it benefit you, but you can show those "difficult" people how it's done. Remember that the energy you bring to every conversation is being broadcast out through your words, actions, and even your thoughts.

Prepare for interaction.
Take a few minutes before anticipated or scheduled meeting times to consider what you'd really like to see happen. Remind yourself they are a human being, and who knows maybe they are going through some personal tragedy that they don't talk about. Be the best example of a master communicator that you can be. Take the high road and assume positive intent, seek to understand their point of view , and even forgive their trespasses, acknowledging that no one is perfect.

Smile, knowing you are a better person for it.
Communicate With Confidence.

Communicate With Confidence

Confidence.  A priceless trait of master communicators and successful people everywhere... 

How much confidence makes for just the right amount?  Most people are willing to acknowledge they would like more confidence, especially when communicating in business and relationships.  What follows are some concepts and techniques to help you create and exhibit more confidence in your communication:

The Message
What's the point? In order to communicate with confidence, you must first know what outcome you would like from your communication.  What response or reaction are you hoping for?  Once you've identifed the point, determine the key parts of the message and the best format, whether spoken, written, or otherwise communicated.

The Audience
You must also identify some of the traits of your audience, whether one person or a packed auditorium.  What matters to them? Understand that regardless of your audience, almost everyone feels some degree of attention deficit, overstimulation, and/or overwhelm in our modern time. Concise, clear communication is always best.

An easy technique for holding others' attention is to express a specific number of items to follow and a succinct summary of each, to build on the concept of tell them what you're going to tell them-- because it lets them know exactly how long they have to pay attention. i.e. "There are 2 primary reasons our team should _____; the first is X, and the second is Y."  Elaborate through meaningful examples or illustrative stories when appropriate, but be sure to cover the important points clearly. 

Say More With Less
Direct communication is underused in our society.  Many people fear being rude, but it's important to realize succinct comments don't have to be robotic or terse.  Clear communication is a courtesy worth extending to everyone.

Leverage Your Expertise
Everyone is an expert on something, on some level.  Therefore, anyone can strive to comfortable, or even worthy of, addressing a particular topic with others. Even if you don't necessarily feel like an expert, build your case (to yourself if helpful) before you start speaking so that you communicate with a feeling of authority.  Comments that dilute a good point, express self doubt, or are thinking out loud such as "Well, let's think about this" "It's just my opinion" "What do you think?" "I'm not really sure, but..." may result in your audience wondering why they are listening to you, and your message will be lessened significantly.  Use words and non verbal communication to make clear that you are intelligent, credible, and a powerful, dynamic person. 

Prepare to deliver your message; practice when you can.  The more important it is to you that your message be received well, the more preparation can help get the job done.  Although it doesn't have to be time-consuming, there is no substitute; and as a bonus, preparation builds your confidence automatically.  As an example, even professional speakers prepare and practice when giving a speech.  For us Regular Joes, whether you are giving a speech on stage, asking your boss for a promotion, asking a prospect for business, or asking your sweetheart something important, the best way I've discovered to prepare for a successful presentation is to 1) Write everything out exactly, as though you might read from a script,  in your own words.  2) Read it out loud several times all the way through, and share it with a trusted advisor if you have one, and practice your timing if needed.  3) Only memorize the main points by making an outline, highlighting, or using note cards, etc.... 3) Dress appropriately for the occasion and in a manner that boosts your confidence, get to the location early, remind yourself that you have prepared well, then picture the audience responding the way you'd like them to. 4) Forget about your detailed script and focus on delivering your message so that the audience benefits.

ACTIONS:
1. Practice clear, concise messaging: craft 2 sentences that say as much as possible in as few words as possible. (Hint: Ernest Hemingway was a master.)
2.  Use the technique above for enumerating how many points you have, then quickly summarizing them.  Do you notice a difference in your audience's reactions?

Relationships: Week 7

This week's focus is on strengthening & developing relationships.

Read about other focus areas.


My intention in developing this trait is pretty straight-forward, so frankly it's just a matter of determining which relationships to focus on and doing it!


First for me is my husband; like many other happy marriages, ours is also rife with busy schedules and less time together than we'd like. I committed to doing some nice things for him and for us, spending time as much as possible this week.


Other key relationships include family, friends, and clients. My to-do list could have just hatched out about a million more things to develop each of these relationships---but I resisted this and determined to be more mindful of the value of relationships this week, and to be more fully present when spending time with people I care about.


I succeeded this week- especially in terms of a general improvement in intention, awareness, and actions. The next time I visit this trait, I would like to add sending personal notes and cards to 5 people each day for that week, using SendOutCards.

Communication: Week 6

Read about other weeks.


I think "Communication" is a no-brainer on the improvement list.

Yet, how many people 1) acknowledge they could use some help and 2) know what to do to improve communication with others?

The principles of communication are simple. Yet so are those of weight loss--- and look how most of us are doing! In the spirit of continuous improvement, I resolved to work on communication this week.

I was in the Ozarks on the lake and deep in late-summer humidity, mostly shopping and eating while my husband was attending a work-related annual conference and I was left to my own devices. I brought plenty of work with me, and ironically during this communication-focused week I experienced very little communication with the "outside world" via technology due to connectivity issues. Yet at the same time, I was interacting person-to-person with people I see only a few times each year. I found myself being much less of a leader and much more observant given this opportunity. I enjoyed soaking in the details about others during conversation and saying less than half of what I considered saying.

Overall, a good way to live.



A note on my progress: once again, I don't think I focused quite enough on this (as much as I wanted to) but I still feel like I benefitted from the experience. I'm noticing a trend. Apparently I expect a lot from myself. Can you relate?

Onto the next week's focus area: Relationships!