Usually we equate "success" with avoiding mistakes. However, the path to greater success is simple: more mistakes. What? Yes, it seems ironic.
Yet we all have experiences proving this to be true. Consider the times in your life you are most proud of. I'll bet you they were achievement-oriented where you had to overcome some obstacles. You made some mistakes, but you pushed on. You didn't let fear keep you from moving forward. And success tasted sweet.
What Are You Afraid Of?
There is a state of being that I call "burning fuel on the launch pad."
Envision Success Inc blog posts from Executive, Business, and Life Coaches on topics like Saying No, Focus, Effectiveness, Leadership, Changing Habits, Communication, Boundaries, Work Life Balance, and Perfectionism.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Selling With Confidence
Feel like you want or need more Sales Moxie or Mojo? Do you berate yourself for not asking for the sale, speaking with confidence, or generally being uncomfortable or even afraid in sales situations? There are some easy ways to feel more comfortable and confident when selling.
After all, "sell" is a 4-letter word.
But "sell" is not a bad word! Successful sellers are helpful, influential, and skilled at finding a match with customer needs --rather than manipulative-- so you can quit worrying about changing your personality! You probably just need to rev up your confidence. Yes, there is definitely the idea of too much confidence in sales which can come across as aggressive, "sales-y" or pushy, and this approach is the cause of most buyer's remorse, returns, and canceled contracts. Yet the other side of the spectrum is probably worse because although it makes friends and establishes comfort with prospects and buyers, it is simply not as effective (as the overly confident sales approach) in terms of actual sales. Let's face it, provided you believe in your product or service, you can't truly help people if you don't offer them ownership.
Why do people buy from sharks?
Bottom line: they respect sales confidence. Think about how your own buying experiences validate this. As buyers, we want
After all, "sell" is a 4-letter word.
But "sell" is not a bad word! Successful sellers are helpful, influential, and skilled at finding a match with customer needs --rather than manipulative-- so you can quit worrying about changing your personality! You probably just need to rev up your confidence. Yes, there is definitely the idea of too much confidence in sales which can come across as aggressive, "sales-y" or pushy, and this approach is the cause of most buyer's remorse, returns, and canceled contracts. Yet the other side of the spectrum is probably worse because although it makes friends and establishes comfort with prospects and buyers, it is simply not as effective (as the overly confident sales approach) in terms of actual sales. Let's face it, provided you believe in your product or service, you can't truly help people if you don't offer them ownership.
Why do people buy from sharks?
Bottom line: they respect sales confidence. Think about how your own buying experiences validate this. As buyers, we want
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Cultivating a Daily Success Mindset
What one skill do all successful people, all around the world, and all throughout time, have in common?
Whether they realize it or not, they all are masters at visualizing their success. They routinely envision successful outcomes--and most often expect nothing else. Their words likely match their thoughts, but they may have also mastered the art of not telling everyone how confident they are. If you could tap into the minds of the top tier of successful people, you would find
Whether they realize it or not, they all are masters at visualizing their success. They routinely envision successful outcomes--and most often expect nothing else. Their words likely match their thoughts, but they may have also mastered the art of not telling everyone how confident they are. If you could tap into the minds of the top tier of successful people, you would find
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Monday, September 20, 2010
Take Control Over Your To-Do List
Are you one of the millions with a To-Do list? How about one with WAY more items on the list than humanly possible to get done in a day, or even a month? If so, are you ready for a better way? You've suspected there is a better way...you've probably known for a long time. I've identified some proven techniques that will help you take back control of "the lists" -- so that about a week from now you won't miss your old "system" and you'll be amazed at how much smoother things are going.
Let's talk To-Do list "How-To's." Seems a little ridiculous? Yet - if it's going to help you feel better and get more done, it's worth reading on, right?
Mind Dump
The first thing I recommend is to set a timer, have plenty of paper/pens (or a computer app with unlimited typing space), and
Let's talk To-Do list "How-To's." Seems a little ridiculous? Yet - if it's going to help you feel better and get more done, it's worth reading on, right?
Mind Dump
The first thing I recommend is to set a timer, have plenty of paper/pens (or a computer app with unlimited typing space), and
Friday, August 27, 2010
Business Planning
BUSINESS PLANNING: A Coach's Perspective on the Process
When it comes to business planning, I see a spectrum where on one side are people who love thinking about possibilities, strategizing and analyzing options, often spending hours, days, weeks dreaming about what's to come, planning -- and not implementing. On the other side are people who hate the boring, time-consuming and sometimes paper-work laden process of planning in business and so they procrastinate it indefinitely or participate half-heartedly only when mandatory.
There is a zone in the middle where business people explore possibilities, create a plan, implement the plan, achieve goals, and reap the rewards. How can you participate fully in business planning so you experience these valuable gains without wasting time? It's actually pretty simple.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
When it comes to business planning, I see a spectrum where on one side are people who love thinking about possibilities, strategizing and analyzing options, often spending hours, days, weeks dreaming about what's to come, planning -- and not implementing. On the other side are people who hate the boring, time-consuming and sometimes paper-work laden process of planning in business and so they procrastinate it indefinitely or participate half-heartedly only when mandatory.
There is a zone in the middle where business people explore possibilities, create a plan, implement the plan, achieve goals, and reap the rewards. How can you participate fully in business planning so you experience these valuable gains without wasting time? It's actually pretty simple.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
From my perspective, the most important facets of business planning are
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
What You See Is What You Are
We can look at another person and discern some things about them immediately. In addition, we can look at our own overall picture and acknowledge that it is a mirror reflection of who we are; our state of well-being, physical health, financial health, strength of relationships, and success in business. These are outward reflections of our mindsets, philosophies, and specifically how we think of our self.
Why do the vast majority of people who win the lottery lose it all and find themselves in the same financial status as before their winnings? Why do roughly 99% of people who go on a diet to lose weight gain that weight back?
It's as if we have a default setting, and something may occur to change the setting, but usually we seem to return back to that setting eventually. We do. In a nutshell, it is
Why do the vast majority of people who win the lottery lose it all and find themselves in the same financial status as before their winnings? Why do roughly 99% of people who go on a diet to lose weight gain that weight back?
It's as if we have a default setting, and something may occur to change the setting, but usually we seem to return back to that setting eventually. We do. In a nutshell, it is
Monday, June 28, 2010
Getting Started: From Intention to Reality
So you want to make a change. The "pain" of your current situation has caused you to want something different. You may exclaim, "That's IT! Something needs to change with this. I am going to______."
Congratulations, you just initiated a new goal! Even if it's not new. What counts is that you feel motivated and intend to do something to change your current situation. Yep, it's that simple. You said you wanted to change, but do you really think of it as a goal? Probably not- until you've written it down, talked about it with a few people, maybe posted it on Facebook, or acknowledged it as something you want -it doesn't feel like a "goal." However, realize that you told yourself and anyone in earshot that you have an INTENTION. You can choose to make it a goal (or not). Why did you say it, if you didn't really want to make a change on some level? So now what?
That spark of motivation, no matter how small, can be leveraged to pull you through the first couple of challenges...but to make it all the way you must ensure first that you set the right goal for YOU, for right NOW.
Do You Really Want It?
There are some key differences between goal setting and goal ACHIEVING. The most critical difference is that Goal Achievers have set the right goal: not just any random intention becomes a goal worthy of focus and effort. Do you really want it? When you think about actually achieving your goal, it should scare you a little bit, and excite you a lot. If it's not the right intention-come-goal, then don't worry about it. Think about what you DO want.
Congratulations, you just initiated a new goal! Even if it's not new. What counts is that you feel motivated and intend to do something to change your current situation. Yep, it's that simple. You said you wanted to change, but do you really think of it as a goal? Probably not- until you've written it down, talked about it with a few people, maybe posted it on Facebook, or acknowledged it as something you want -it doesn't feel like a "goal." However, realize that you told yourself and anyone in earshot that you have an INTENTION. You can choose to make it a goal (or not). Why did you say it, if you didn't really want to make a change on some level? So now what?
That spark of motivation, no matter how small, can be leveraged to pull you through the first couple of challenges...but to make it all the way you must ensure first that you set the right goal for YOU, for right NOW.
Do You Really Want It?
There are some key differences between goal setting and goal ACHIEVING. The most critical difference is that Goal Achievers have set the right goal: not just any random intention becomes a goal worthy of focus and effort. Do you really want it? When you think about actually achieving your goal, it should scare you a little bit, and excite you a lot. If it's not the right intention-come-goal, then don't worry about it. Think about what you DO want.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Communication: Going Beyond Verbal and Non-Verbal
Most everyone wants to improve their communication skills on some level, generally because we all understand that better communication can provide the key to better relationships, more success in business, more sales/revenue, happier customers, and engaged employees. Most everyone understands that communication is not exactly as simple as 2 cans and some string. Often, we experience challenges communicating with certain types of people. Or, ahem, very specific people; a family member, coworker, former boss, former friend, ex significant other, etc... It doesn't seem as simple as "Message Sent. Message Received." It's not.
Beyond the verbal simplicity of communicating with others, all the various non-verbal actions add layers of complexity to any face-to-face conversation. Yet there is more beyond this. What about all the assumptions that both sides bring to the table, often before they have even met?
The Halo Effect
Have you ever witnessed a parent who looks right past all their child's dastardly behavior and swears up and down their child is the most angelic, perfect kid? Often they are not just saying that; they really believe it. This is the halo effect; when every word and deed of the child is seen as proof they are angelic. The parent in this case, has their mind made up, and they can see only the good in their child's behavior. You've seen this at work too with bosses and their favorites. When a person is tuned into certain behavior and expectations regarding another person, and over time enough things "prove" this to be true, at a certain point almost every single thing they do and say will strengthen the belief that they will always meet these expectations.
The Opposite of a Halo is...
The halo effect also works the other way: when you believe someone will behave badly or fail time and time again, they will seem to consistently you right. Again, we can cite examples of parent/child and boss/employee. You have likely worked with someone or remember a kid in school that everyone thought was weird. Everything they said was weird, their clothes seemed weird, and no one wanted to pick them for Dodgeball or debate team. However, I'd be willing to bet that if the popular kid in class said or did some of those exact same things, people would have reacted very differently.
What about when the tables are turned?
Have you been the recipient of the halo effect, either good or bad? Were you teacher's favorite? Or always getting in trouble for stuff you didn't do? One of my clients about a year ago came to me because she was miserable regarding her work and wanted to consider other career options. Somehow the halo effect had turned her work group against her. NOTE: this person is very sweet, sincerly nice, courteous, intelligent, pretty quiet, kind of good looking, and quite stylish. Unfortunately something started it, probably a very minor misunderstanding and well over some period of time, it seemed that this group could only see shortfalls in this person. She was given a poor performance review, although none of the problems could be substantiated; unfortunately her manager had fallen prey to the halo effect too, in a bad way. She left that company and started doing something else and is much happier now, and has good relationships in her work and personal life. Bottom line: the light cast by the halo effect is very powerful, especially when it becomes a belief held by multiple people in a group. In this case, and in many others, the belief is not the reality... We've all witnessed experienced something similar- in school, at work, in other groups, maybe even at church or community groups.
The Halo Effect on Relationships
To an extent it seems like human nature, and it is. We label, categorize, and stereotype. Consider the influence that these inaccurate assumptions have on communication between people, your own communication, your relationships at work, in your life.
Who have you -maybe- cast the halo effect on where what you see reflected is something other than reality? On some level, just about everybody you know. Think about it...how many people understand YOU, your thoughts, your silly private jokes, your humor, your worries, your quirks? What if they were constantly misinterpreted because people already had their mind made up about you? How many people knows you very, very well?
This isn't about you feeling bad, it's about awareness and realizing what type of expectations you have of other people. Consider your next planned conversation, maybe it's a meeting or social occasion, and the person you'll be talking with. Have you been making some assumptions about them? Are you expecting some behavior or thoughts of them that you can't really be sure about? Try something different this time: right now, think about what potential they have and what could happen, what are they really capable of, if given a real chance.
Now you have some understanding of the power of the halo effect on communication, on relationships, on potentially every conversation and transaction in your daily life and work. Really notice this week when you observe this happening, and consider the how the result might be different if the expectations were different.
ACTION:
Think of one person each in your professional and personal arenas. What if you start expecting the best, realistic outcome from these people?
An Even More Powerful Effect
One final take-away: Have you unknowingly been applying the halo effect to yourself? Good or bad? What expectations do you have of yourself? Do you find that everything you do just proves your case? It's not just about communication, but yes the halo effect definitively has power in your relationships, with others, and with yourself. Acknowledge when based on assumption verus fact...true knowledge is power!
Beyond the verbal simplicity of communicating with others, all the various non-verbal actions add layers of complexity to any face-to-face conversation. Yet there is more beyond this. What about all the assumptions that both sides bring to the table, often before they have even met?
The Halo Effect
Have you ever witnessed a parent who looks right past all their child's dastardly behavior and swears up and down their child is the most angelic, perfect kid? Often they are not just saying that; they really believe it. This is the halo effect; when every word and deed of the child is seen as proof they are angelic. The parent in this case, has their mind made up, and they can see only the good in their child's behavior. You've seen this at work too with bosses and their favorites. When a person is tuned into certain behavior and expectations regarding another person, and over time enough things "prove" this to be true, at a certain point almost every single thing they do and say will strengthen the belief that they will always meet these expectations.
The Opposite of a Halo is...
The halo effect also works the other way: when you believe someone will behave badly or fail time and time again, they will seem to consistently you right. Again, we can cite examples of parent/child and boss/employee. You have likely worked with someone or remember a kid in school that everyone thought was weird. Everything they said was weird, their clothes seemed weird, and no one wanted to pick them for Dodgeball or debate team. However, I'd be willing to bet that if the popular kid in class said or did some of those exact same things, people would have reacted very differently.
What about when the tables are turned?
Have you been the recipient of the halo effect, either good or bad? Were you teacher's favorite? Or always getting in trouble for stuff you didn't do? One of my clients about a year ago came to me because she was miserable regarding her work and wanted to consider other career options. Somehow the halo effect had turned her work group against her. NOTE: this person is very sweet, sincerly nice, courteous, intelligent, pretty quiet, kind of good looking, and quite stylish. Unfortunately something started it, probably a very minor misunderstanding and well over some period of time, it seemed that this group could only see shortfalls in this person. She was given a poor performance review, although none of the problems could be substantiated; unfortunately her manager had fallen prey to the halo effect too, in a bad way. She left that company and started doing something else and is much happier now, and has good relationships in her work and personal life. Bottom line: the light cast by the halo effect is very powerful, especially when it becomes a belief held by multiple people in a group. In this case, and in many others, the belief is not the reality... We've all witnessed experienced something similar- in school, at work, in other groups, maybe even at church or community groups.
The Halo Effect on Relationships
To an extent it seems like human nature, and it is. We label, categorize, and stereotype. Consider the influence that these inaccurate assumptions have on communication between people, your own communication, your relationships at work, in your life.
Who have you -maybe- cast the halo effect on where what you see reflected is something other than reality? On some level, just about everybody you know. Think about it...how many people understand YOU, your thoughts, your silly private jokes, your humor, your worries, your quirks? What if they were constantly misinterpreted because people already had their mind made up about you? How many people knows you very, very well?
This isn't about you feeling bad, it's about awareness and realizing what type of expectations you have of other people. Consider your next planned conversation, maybe it's a meeting or social occasion, and the person you'll be talking with. Have you been making some assumptions about them? Are you expecting some behavior or thoughts of them that you can't really be sure about? Try something different this time: right now, think about what potential they have and what could happen, what are they really capable of, if given a real chance.
Now you have some understanding of the power of the halo effect on communication, on relationships, on potentially every conversation and transaction in your daily life and work. Really notice this week when you observe this happening, and consider the how the result might be different if the expectations were different.
ACTION:
Think of one person each in your professional and personal arenas. What if you start expecting the best, realistic outcome from these people?
An Even More Powerful Effect
One final take-away: Have you unknowingly been applying the halo effect to yourself? Good or bad? What expectations do you have of yourself? Do you find that everything you do just proves your case? It's not just about communication, but yes the halo effect definitively has power in your relationships, with others, and with yourself. Acknowledge when based on assumption verus fact...true knowledge is power!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Partners in Business: from the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly –to Great!
How to profit from and enjoy each other’s personal and professional strengths in business.
Choosing a partner in business is just as important as choosing the right marriage partner, yet many people “fall into bed with” someone in business and "wake up" later wondering what happened. It starts innocently enough, as a fun idea over drinks after-hours, then suddenly it can take on a personality of its own and can overwhelm a friendship or other relationship with all the sticky details of running a business. The stress builds and soon the partners can hardly stand each other, from the varying ways they prioritize business activities, different approaches with clients or employees, and annoying personal habits they bring to the office.
We all know roughly the statistics on marriages that break up citing financial reasons…is it any wonder that most business partnerships end for similar reasons? However, most often financial problems are symptom of relationship problems or partnership “personality” challenges.
Creating Great Partnerships for Great Business:
I. Choose the right partner; this critical step is often flubbed up. Take time for discussions about many aspects of the business, go through what-if scenarios, and expectations.
II. Create the partnership business plan and agreement together before the business really takes off. Both of these are best when kept simple but usable. Hire an attorney familiar with partnership contracts, and actually go through the process of discussing and agreeing. (I believe this step alone could prevent as much as 50% of future partnership dissolution.)
III. Check to see if you have the same dream, as far as what the business provides. Are you assuming early retirement and moving to the Caribbean, when your partner is planning to work in the office daily until they pry his cold, dead fingers from the desk? What about the vision for the business? Maybe one partner is expecting to expand into new markets, while the other feels it ruins the integrity of the business to grow beyond one location. It takes conversation and brainstorming strategically (and sometimes a facilitator or coach) to be on the same page. And agreement; what may seem like a grudging compromise can grow into a solution where both partners are truly happy.
IV. Establish policies, guidelines, or protocols for doing business and handling common activities. What criteria do you use in decision-making? Do half your employees follow one partner’s guidelines, and half the other’s? Do your staff members feel they get caught in the crossfire? Consider how this affects the work environment, the clientele, the bottom line.
Many partnerships go through “the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” phases and sadly most that get to this point break up. Some come to another end, hopefully with an arrangement that allows them to resume their former camaraderie without financial strain. Some partners buy the business, others agree to switch to silent/investor-only/limited partnerships and let the more business-talented partner act as business owner, and others form a custom arrangement that allows for win/win.
Then again, some partners (the few, the proud) work out their differences, get their purpose, mission, and goals aligned, and become Great Partnerships, running Great businesses. Yes, it is worth some consideration. After all, you were attracted to the idea of working together once upon a time…
ACTION: Answer the following questions separately, and then discuss together.
*What made the partnership such a great idea back then?
*What are the top 3 things your partner brings to the partnership?
*What do see as the top 3 things you bring to the partnership?
*How can you work together to create more positive business results?
SPECIAL OFFERS
Through the end of June 2010: SWOT Analysis for Business Owners. Up to three partners, same price as one owner. Only $350.
Also great for Partners: “Purpose, Mission, Goals” 3 month coaching program, only $1500. Focus is on where all the time, money, and effort goes, and specifically what long- and short-term results are expected. What results would you like to change first?
Choosing a partner in business is just as important as choosing the right marriage partner, yet many people “fall into bed with” someone in business and "wake up" later wondering what happened. It starts innocently enough, as a fun idea over drinks after-hours, then suddenly it can take on a personality of its own and can overwhelm a friendship or other relationship with all the sticky details of running a business. The stress builds and soon the partners can hardly stand each other, from the varying ways they prioritize business activities, different approaches with clients or employees, and annoying personal habits they bring to the office.
We all know roughly the statistics on marriages that break up citing financial reasons…is it any wonder that most business partnerships end for similar reasons? However, most often financial problems are symptom of relationship problems or partnership “personality” challenges.
Creating Great Partnerships for Great Business:
I. Choose the right partner; this critical step is often flubbed up. Take time for discussions about many aspects of the business, go through what-if scenarios, and expectations.
II. Create the partnership business plan and agreement together before the business really takes off. Both of these are best when kept simple but usable. Hire an attorney familiar with partnership contracts, and actually go through the process of discussing and agreeing. (I believe this step alone could prevent as much as 50% of future partnership dissolution.)
III. Check to see if you have the same dream, as far as what the business provides. Are you assuming early retirement and moving to the Caribbean, when your partner is planning to work in the office daily until they pry his cold, dead fingers from the desk? What about the vision for the business? Maybe one partner is expecting to expand into new markets, while the other feels it ruins the integrity of the business to grow beyond one location. It takes conversation and brainstorming strategically (and sometimes a facilitator or coach) to be on the same page. And agreement; what may seem like a grudging compromise can grow into a solution where both partners are truly happy.
IV. Establish policies, guidelines, or protocols for doing business and handling common activities. What criteria do you use in decision-making? Do half your employees follow one partner’s guidelines, and half the other’s? Do your staff members feel they get caught in the crossfire? Consider how this affects the work environment, the clientele, the bottom line.
Many partnerships go through “the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” phases and sadly most that get to this point break up. Some come to another end, hopefully with an arrangement that allows them to resume their former camaraderie without financial strain. Some partners buy the business, others agree to switch to silent/investor-only/limited partnerships and let the more business-talented partner act as business owner, and others form a custom arrangement that allows for win/win.
Then again, some partners (the few, the proud) work out their differences, get their purpose, mission, and goals aligned, and become Great Partnerships, running Great businesses. Yes, it is worth some consideration. After all, you were attracted to the idea of working together once upon a time…
ACTION: Answer the following questions separately, and then discuss together.
*What made the partnership such a great idea back then?
*What are the top 3 things your partner brings to the partnership?
*What do see as the top 3 things you bring to the partnership?
*How can you work together to create more positive business results?
SPECIAL OFFERS
Through the end of June 2010: SWOT Analysis for Business Owners. Up to three partners, same price as one owner. Only $350.
Also great for Partners: “Purpose, Mission, Goals” 3 month coaching program, only $1500. Focus is on where all the time, money, and effort goes, and specifically what long- and short-term results are expected. What results would you like to change first?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Managing Work-Related Stress
What is a typical work day like for a modern working professional? It’s often described as hectic, or frustrating, or rushed...but also as productive, sometimes as satisfying. However, most people describe their work days in terms of all the elements they do NOT have control over.
Relaxed Control
What does this mean? You may think this is an oxymoron (like 'jumbo shrimp'), but I believe it is a much better way to describe the opposite of stressed than “not stressed.” First, however, let's establish what stress is.
Stress is...a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. Or: physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.
A client of mine "Kathy" is a project leader in a large company. She came to me originally because she felt so unhappy about her work shewanted to talk about career options. However in her case, another job was not the solution and we went to work on some of the very things I’ll share with you here. After a short time of working together, Kathy told me her husband commented about how much happier she was, and the more we talked she realized she didn’t have the Sunday blues any more. Her coworkers did not change, her boss did not change, her work did not change much at all, but she did start working on projects she liked more and using her talents better for herself and for the company. The main difference that caused Kathy’s stress level to dial way back was merely applying these mindsets and using these techniques. They are easy to apply immediately and if you choose, will make a significant difference for you too.
Stress Less?
What's the difference between managing stress and preventing stress? In our work processes, we know all too well the differences between managing and preventing problems, and this is essentially the same approach. Some factors can be addressed to prevent and reduce stress, so like anything else, it’s generally far better to be strategic than to just accept what comes your way.
**Think about your Top 3 Stressors, or your top 3 challenges that cause you stress. Another way to determine what stresses you out is to list out some tolerations, or things that you are putting up with from yourself, your work, your life, or other people. It may help to consider your various environments.
Take Responsibility for the Quality of Your Days
You can have a balanced, happy, productive life by applying some simple, proven concepts. As a business coach I often help my clients focus on ways to WORK BETTER so they can LIVE MORE LIFE. So how do you Work Better (get more done in less time) in order to Live More Life (do what you really want)?
You own your day, no one else can force you to feel a certain way or to do things that you don't want to do. Yes, sometimes it feels like choosing the lesser of two bad options, but it is still a choice. So how do we strive for a more quality experience in work or life, especially on those days when we feel, well, Maxed Out?
If you approach the day with a sense of rushed frustration, saying something like” Today is gonna be rough, I have so much to do, I have to call so-and-so, and I have this meeting, and my boss said she wants to talk later about that project, AH I’d really like to play hooky today but I really can’t. Ugh!” it is guaranteed to be a stressful day. Versus taking an approach of “Today I have a lot going on and I want this to be a really great day! I may just close the deal with so-and-so, and I have an opportunity to speak up in that meeting, and this afternoon I’m going to suggest at least one way I can add more value to the project and I going to ask my boss to support me on this."
Decide What You Want
Believe it or not, knowing what you want ion life and working toward something specific that you want lessens your stress considerably.
One of the best ways to increase your feeling in control is to manage your activities better. See various other posts on Effectiveness & Time Management in this blog. Another great way to be more relaxed and feel more in control is through Mind Games. This is not about playing mind games, but using the power of the mind to beat the stress game. Decide what you want and focus on that.
Positive Expectation
When entering into any situation, project, sales meeting, conversation with your boss or that difficult coworker or client, begin with the end in mind. Once you’ve established a good understanding of your desired outcome, then you want to use your creative mind to turn that Desired Outcome into a Positive Expectation. Any person with an imagination is capable of this, it’s fun, and it produces awesome results. Ok, so a little more how-to:
Consider how you want to feel at the end of the conversation, or the end of your day. Then use words that indicate it has already happened like you want, and is not merely wishful thinking.
**Think about your top three stress challenges right now, and the tolerations in your work and life. What do you want to change? Let’s take that one step further. What is your positive expectation, framed in the affirmative? As an example: Maybe, "I stay late at work too often." becomes "I want to leave work on time." WHY? Then take it to the next level which is far more powerful, such as, saying at the end of a work day, “I feel satisfied with a job well done today and I look forward to cooking dinner with my family.”
Setting your Purpose, Mission, or Goal
Specifically, what are you working toward? Take a look in your calendar(s) and your bank statement(s) --this is where your time and money is going. Consider what you REALLY want in your life and work. What do you want to be known for? What do you want to change over the next few weeks, months, year?
How can you possibly get from A to B if you don’t know what B is? Do you just get in your car and start driving aimlessly? NO, before you get to the end of your street, you know your desired destination. Strangely, most people don’t know what they want. Like most people, I used to spend more time determining where to go for dinner, or making out my shopping list than determining what to accomplish over the next year.
Ponder your purpose, your big picture, i.e. "Why are you here?" Determine the Mission you are on right now, maybe it's your career or a large project regarding your household or community. What are your passions? If you haven't done so already, write down a primary goal, something specific enough so that you know when you succeeded and can celebrate, and something personally meaningful for YOU.
Hints: Saying you want more time or money isn't specific enough– what will you do when you have the time or money? **Write down 2 things you would do more of if you didn’t have to worry about time or money. Also, it's not enough to say, I just want to be happy. You are fully in control of that right now, regardless of your present situation. Happiness is a state of mind that you deserve to feel daily and is not a goal or mission or purpose statement. **Take 5 minutes and answer the following: What helps you create or sustain your own happiness and why?
Relaxed Control in Summary
When you catch yourself saying things like, “He makes me mad!” or “I felt sick about that.” Or “My heart skipped a beat.” Or “I never have enough time!,” acknowledge that it is your response to something or someone--and you made youself feel mad or sick or nervous; stressed.
When striving for a state of relaxed control, you realize fully that your responses are always within your control, even if they seem to be at super-speed in the subconscious, and these directly affect the level of stress you experience...and with practice they will be more and more as intentional responses rather then conditioned reactions.
Your Challenge
Will you commit to ONE of these for 21 days, and see what amazing things happen? Are you ready to experience that Relaxed Control? Imagine how different life will be in less than a month!
What is your new, positive expectation for yourself? What do you have to gain? What do you have to lose?
See also Are You Truly Effective? and Tackling Procrastination
Relaxed Control
What does this mean? You may think this is an oxymoron (like 'jumbo shrimp'), but I believe it is a much better way to describe the opposite of stressed than “not stressed.” First, however, let's establish what stress is.
Stress is...a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. Or: physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.
A client of mine "Kathy" is a project leader in a large company. She came to me originally because she felt so unhappy about her work shewanted to talk about career options. However in her case, another job was not the solution and we went to work on some of the very things I’ll share with you here. After a short time of working together, Kathy told me her husband commented about how much happier she was, and the more we talked she realized she didn’t have the Sunday blues any more. Her coworkers did not change, her boss did not change, her work did not change much at all, but she did start working on projects she liked more and using her talents better for herself and for the company. The main difference that caused Kathy’s stress level to dial way back was merely applying these mindsets and using these techniques. They are easy to apply immediately and if you choose, will make a significant difference for you too.
Stress Less?
What's the difference between managing stress and preventing stress? In our work processes, we know all too well the differences between managing and preventing problems, and this is essentially the same approach. Some factors can be addressed to prevent and reduce stress, so like anything else, it’s generally far better to be strategic than to just accept what comes your way.
**Think about your Top 3 Stressors, or your top 3 challenges that cause you stress. Another way to determine what stresses you out is to list out some tolerations, or things that you are putting up with from yourself, your work, your life, or other people. It may help to consider your various environments.
Take Responsibility for the Quality of Your Days
You can have a balanced, happy, productive life by applying some simple, proven concepts. As a business coach I often help my clients focus on ways to WORK BETTER so they can LIVE MORE LIFE. So how do you Work Better (get more done in less time) in order to Live More Life (do what you really want)?
You own your day, no one else can force you to feel a certain way or to do things that you don't want to do. Yes, sometimes it feels like choosing the lesser of two bad options, but it is still a choice. So how do we strive for a more quality experience in work or life, especially on those days when we feel, well, Maxed Out?
If you approach the day with a sense of rushed frustration, saying something like” Today is gonna be rough, I have so much to do, I have to call so-and-so, and I have this meeting, and my boss said she wants to talk later about that project, AH I’d really like to play hooky today but I really can’t. Ugh!” it is guaranteed to be a stressful day. Versus taking an approach of “Today I have a lot going on and I want this to be a really great day! I may just close the deal with so-and-so, and I have an opportunity to speak up in that meeting, and this afternoon I’m going to suggest at least one way I can add more value to the project and I going to ask my boss to support me on this."
Decide What You Want
Believe it or not, knowing what you want ion life and working toward something specific that you want lessens your stress considerably.
One of the best ways to increase your feeling in control is to manage your activities better. See various other posts on Effectiveness & Time Management in this blog. Another great way to be more relaxed and feel more in control is through Mind Games. This is not about playing mind games, but using the power of the mind to beat the stress game. Decide what you want and focus on that.
Positive Expectation
When entering into any situation, project, sales meeting, conversation with your boss or that difficult coworker or client, begin with the end in mind. Once you’ve established a good understanding of your desired outcome, then you want to use your creative mind to turn that Desired Outcome into a Positive Expectation. Any person with an imagination is capable of this, it’s fun, and it produces awesome results. Ok, so a little more how-to:
Consider how you want to feel at the end of the conversation, or the end of your day. Then use words that indicate it has already happened like you want, and is not merely wishful thinking.
**Think about your top three stress challenges right now, and the tolerations in your work and life. What do you want to change? Let’s take that one step further. What is your positive expectation, framed in the affirmative? As an example: Maybe, "I stay late at work too often." becomes "I want to leave work on time." WHY? Then take it to the next level which is far more powerful, such as, saying at the end of a work day, “I feel satisfied with a job well done today and I look forward to cooking dinner with my family.”
Setting your Purpose, Mission, or Goal
Specifically, what are you working toward? Take a look in your calendar(s) and your bank statement(s) --this is where your time and money is going. Consider what you REALLY want in your life and work. What do you want to be known for? What do you want to change over the next few weeks, months, year?
How can you possibly get from A to B if you don’t know what B is? Do you just get in your car and start driving aimlessly? NO, before you get to the end of your street, you know your desired destination. Strangely, most people don’t know what they want. Like most people, I used to spend more time determining where to go for dinner, or making out my shopping list than determining what to accomplish over the next year.
Ponder your purpose, your big picture, i.e. "Why are you here?" Determine the Mission you are on right now, maybe it's your career or a large project regarding your household or community. What are your passions? If you haven't done so already, write down a primary goal, something specific enough so that you know when you succeeded and can celebrate, and something personally meaningful for YOU.
Hints: Saying you want more time or money isn't specific enough– what will you do when you have the time or money? **Write down 2 things you would do more of if you didn’t have to worry about time or money. Also, it's not enough to say, I just want to be happy. You are fully in control of that right now, regardless of your present situation. Happiness is a state of mind that you deserve to feel daily and is not a goal or mission or purpose statement. **Take 5 minutes and answer the following: What helps you create or sustain your own happiness and why?
Relaxed Control in Summary
When you catch yourself saying things like, “He makes me mad!” or “I felt sick about that.” Or “My heart skipped a beat.” Or “I never have enough time!,” acknowledge that it is your response to something or someone--and you made youself feel mad or sick or nervous; stressed.
When striving for a state of relaxed control, you realize fully that your responses are always within your control, even if they seem to be at super-speed in the subconscious, and these directly affect the level of stress you experience...and with practice they will be more and more as intentional responses rather then conditioned reactions.
Your Challenge
Will you commit to ONE of these for 21 days, and see what amazing things happen? Are you ready to experience that Relaxed Control? Imagine how different life will be in less than a month!
What is your new, positive expectation for yourself? What do you have to gain? What do you have to lose?
See also Are You Truly Effective? and Tackling Procrastination
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Unexpected Value of Office Gossip
This is a personal story about the power of the grapevine in the office...
Once upon a time, I worked for a company that didn’t really value its employees as people or as resources. Surprisingly, the company was quite small so it felt like people truly mattered. The smallness provided an inherent focus on people because we all knew each other --so well since we could overhear pretty much every conversation unless behind closed doors. While it seemed people-centric on the surface, we eventually noticed that none of the policies or procedures or decisions were ever for the employee’s benefit, nor were they even win/win…they were always “for” the bottom line.
Management was crafty about putting a spin on announcements, so that they actually thought we bought their argument about whatever decision made was for the best- for the company and its employees. But it was a sham. People talked all the time about it, in the hallway to the bathroom, in the kitchenette, out in the parking lot after hours. People lamented why they worked there.
I had been working there almost 3 years when a series of policies were changed for the worse, again, and salary adjustments were like a slap in the face. It was disheartening to say the least, and almost 6 months later I prepared to leave the company. I’ll never forget what came next. Management expressed shock and dismay, and concern over what would happen to many things that were my responsibility across the company. Most notably, they just couldn’t imagine why I wanted to leave. They didn’t even fake consideration regarding what was best for me, or offer congratulations on taking a more prestigious job more related to my college degree.
A few days later, my direct manager sat me down to discuss reasons for leaving. I thought it was to evaluate what the company could have done to keep me as a happy, productive, valued employee (as they claimed I was), and determine how best to transition my duties & projects. However, these were not discussed since my manager was far more concerned with what the office memo would say announcing my departure. I was probed and prodded until finally the reason for my leaving was determined (NOT due to the crappy employee policies, a laughable salary, and my lack of will to go on in a company without a real purpose.).
The memo went out the next day announcing I "was going back to school.” Because I understood the power of office gossip and valued it more than these managers, I realized I had but one final duty to perform. I found myself going along with what was expected of me, attempting to tame the destructive nature of the grapevine and putting a positive spin on the announcement, like too sweet icing on a ruined cake. It was hard to keep a straight face when everyone who worked there knew most of the truth, and yet I explained that the firm I was joining offered an education reimbursement program and I wanted to complete graduate school (well yeah, someday).
For me, this was like the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. I did stay in touch with a few people, and discovered that one by one, they all left that company for similar reasons. It turns out the grapevine was never tamed because employees knew they were never getting the truth from management. People spent a whole lot of time talking and philosophizing and assuming and whining about all the topics that management made announcements about. They missed the mark on honesty and forethought.
As Stephen Denning reminds us in Squirrel Inc, "Every organization has a shadow aspect, hidden but alive---pulsing, throbbing, and moving. Once a leader realizes its existence and its role in the organization, its energy can be harnessed to deal with the rumors and bad news that flow through it." The mistake this company made was thinking they could outsmart the grapevine with announcements that fell far short of honesty. I share this story in a spirit of "lessons learned" for all managers, owners, leaders, and employees everywhere dealing with the grapevine in their place of work. Use it well, my friends!
As for me, I moved on. Fortunately I realized it really wasn’t personal, and in fact the problem was that it wasn’t personal enough. Management did not, through word or deed, respect employees as human beings. Now I feel truly thankful for the experience, because I learned the value of water-cooler talk versus the management memo, and it made me a far better manager, leader, and business owner.
Once upon a time, I worked for a company that didn’t really value its employees as people or as resources. Surprisingly, the company was quite small so it felt like people truly mattered. The smallness provided an inherent focus on people because we all knew each other --so well since we could overhear pretty much every conversation unless behind closed doors. While it seemed people-centric on the surface, we eventually noticed that none of the policies or procedures or decisions were ever for the employee’s benefit, nor were they even win/win…they were always “for” the bottom line.
Management was crafty about putting a spin on announcements, so that they actually thought we bought their argument about whatever decision made was for the best- for the company and its employees. But it was a sham. People talked all the time about it, in the hallway to the bathroom, in the kitchenette, out in the parking lot after hours. People lamented why they worked there.
I had been working there almost 3 years when a series of policies were changed for the worse, again, and salary adjustments were like a slap in the face. It was disheartening to say the least, and almost 6 months later I prepared to leave the company. I’ll never forget what came next. Management expressed shock and dismay, and concern over what would happen to many things that were my responsibility across the company. Most notably, they just couldn’t imagine why I wanted to leave. They didn’t even fake consideration regarding what was best for me, or offer congratulations on taking a more prestigious job more related to my college degree.
A few days later, my direct manager sat me down to discuss reasons for leaving. I thought it was to evaluate what the company could have done to keep me as a happy, productive, valued employee (as they claimed I was), and determine how best to transition my duties & projects. However, these were not discussed since my manager was far more concerned with what the office memo would say announcing my departure. I was probed and prodded until finally the reason for my leaving was determined (NOT due to the crappy employee policies, a laughable salary, and my lack of will to go on in a company without a real purpose.).
The memo went out the next day announcing I "was going back to school.” Because I understood the power of office gossip and valued it more than these managers, I realized I had but one final duty to perform. I found myself going along with what was expected of me, attempting to tame the destructive nature of the grapevine and putting a positive spin on the announcement, like too sweet icing on a ruined cake. It was hard to keep a straight face when everyone who worked there knew most of the truth, and yet I explained that the firm I was joining offered an education reimbursement program and I wanted to complete graduate school (well yeah, someday).
For me, this was like the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. I did stay in touch with a few people, and discovered that one by one, they all left that company for similar reasons. It turns out the grapevine was never tamed because employees knew they were never getting the truth from management. People spent a whole lot of time talking and philosophizing and assuming and whining about all the topics that management made announcements about. They missed the mark on honesty and forethought.
As Stephen Denning reminds us in Squirrel Inc, "Every organization has a shadow aspect, hidden but alive---pulsing, throbbing, and moving. Once a leader realizes its existence and its role in the organization, its energy can be harnessed to deal with the rumors and bad news that flow through it." The mistake this company made was thinking they could outsmart the grapevine with announcements that fell far short of honesty. I share this story in a spirit of "lessons learned" for all managers, owners, leaders, and employees everywhere dealing with the grapevine in their place of work. Use it well, my friends!
As for me, I moved on. Fortunately I realized it really wasn’t personal, and in fact the problem was that it wasn’t personal enough. Management did not, through word or deed, respect employees as human beings. Now I feel truly thankful for the experience, because I learned the value of water-cooler talk versus the management memo, and it made me a far better manager, leader, and business owner.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Moving Forward Despite the Fear
One of my favorite phrases is "feel the fear and do it anyway!"
It's inspirational, motivational, & a classic in the making -- but how realistic is it? How many people can live and work by this credo? Consider those who we idolize in our society...many of our greatest heroes and heroines did just that, and we collectively are better off because of them.
So how can we apply it to real life, and experience the benefits of stepping out of our comfort zone on a regular basis? This is NOT just about people we consider larger-than-life, or fables, or even movies (i.e.Yes Man).
I was faced with an assignment from one of my MasterMind groups this week: to use the art of storytelling defined in Stephen Denning's "Squirrel Inc" to tell my own story that illustrates Who I Am and builds trust. As a business coach, I thought a bit about which stories would be most compelling for my clients and other people in my life and work. I had a tough time thinking that anything I have done personally merits the use of formal storytelling - it seemed to place too much importance on my little life. However, I realized that I really DO live my life continuously seeking ways to help others, and realized that like any other person on this planet, I have stories to tell and lessons to share. So here goes:
I was taught to play it safe.
My parents were strict, we moved around all the time, lived at what most considered poverty level, and I distinctly remember being the least popular kid in my elementary school classes. I was painfully shy, and I spent a lot of time being uncomfortable in my own skin.
I was afraid.
We moved a lot 'cause dad was in the military, and sometimes we moved in with grandparents, zig-zagging across the nation and around the world. Life was always shaking things up, and I guess I learned to adapt. All my life I never thought of myself as a brave person; I was merely the responsible oldest child. But always I wanted things to be different, better, I wanted more...
Flash forward some decades, and now people often describe me as very different from how I was then. It started in High School when I reluctantly agreed to do solos in band, and in choir, and in church. I was shaking so much that the audiences could hear it in my performances, but I did it anyway. I guess it never occurred to me to say 'No' to something I wanted.
I started considering other possibilities and I started saying Yes to things. I moved away to college in Texas; I didn't know anyone before I went. I lived with a family in France for a whole summer; I had never even talked to them before I arrived on their doorstep. And the first time I ever rented a car was my 2nd week at a job, I had to drive my new coworkers around a very large and unfamiliar city. But I pulled it off. Every time. Probably no one was the wiser, and people started referring to me as brave and confident.
I've lived a LOT of great life this way, knowing I won't choose an utterly bonehead move, and I won't let myself totally fail, and I won't say 'No' just because I am afraid. Actually, one of my best Yes's was starting my own business to help others determine what they want to be different, to say YES and to step through fear, and then to rise to the challenge.
And that's how I got here, doing this, today.
So- Figure out what it is you desire. And then FEAL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!!
It's inspirational, motivational, & a classic in the making -- but how realistic is it? How many people can live and work by this credo? Consider those who we idolize in our society...many of our greatest heroes and heroines did just that, and we collectively are better off because of them.
So how can we apply it to real life, and experience the benefits of stepping out of our comfort zone on a regular basis? This is NOT just about people we consider larger-than-life, or fables, or even movies (i.e.Yes Man).
I was faced with an assignment from one of my MasterMind groups this week: to use the art of storytelling defined in Stephen Denning's "Squirrel Inc" to tell my own story that illustrates Who I Am and builds trust. As a business coach, I thought a bit about which stories would be most compelling for my clients and other people in my life and work. I had a tough time thinking that anything I have done personally merits the use of formal storytelling - it seemed to place too much importance on my little life. However, I realized that I really DO live my life continuously seeking ways to help others, and realized that like any other person on this planet, I have stories to tell and lessons to share. So here goes:
I was taught to play it safe.
My parents were strict, we moved around all the time, lived at what most considered poverty level, and I distinctly remember being the least popular kid in my elementary school classes. I was painfully shy, and I spent a lot of time being uncomfortable in my own skin.
I was afraid.
We moved a lot 'cause dad was in the military, and sometimes we moved in with grandparents, zig-zagging across the nation and around the world. Life was always shaking things up, and I guess I learned to adapt. All my life I never thought of myself as a brave person; I was merely the responsible oldest child. But always I wanted things to be different, better, I wanted more...
Flash forward some decades, and now people often describe me as very different from how I was then. It started in High School when I reluctantly agreed to do solos in band, and in choir, and in church. I was shaking so much that the audiences could hear it in my performances, but I did it anyway. I guess it never occurred to me to say 'No' to something I wanted.
I started considering other possibilities and I started saying Yes to things. I moved away to college in Texas; I didn't know anyone before I went. I lived with a family in France for a whole summer; I had never even talked to them before I arrived on their doorstep. And the first time I ever rented a car was my 2nd week at a job, I had to drive my new coworkers around a very large and unfamiliar city. But I pulled it off. Every time. Probably no one was the wiser, and people started referring to me as brave and confident.
I've lived a LOT of great life this way, knowing I won't choose an utterly bonehead move, and I won't let myself totally fail, and I won't say 'No' just because I am afraid. Actually, one of my best Yes's was starting my own business to help others determine what they want to be different, to say YES and to step through fear, and then to rise to the challenge.
And that's how I got here, doing this, today.
So- Figure out what it is you desire. And then FEAL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Dealing With Difficult People
This is a topic that keeps coming up in professional circles over and over. Why such a hot topic? Is the world filled with horribly rude people, stepping on each others' toes? Well, while there are some horribly rude people out there, but the vast majority of "difficult" people are just like you -and me. People who get things done, people who are in a hurry, people who have trouble hearing or speaking are often seen as difficult. Regular people, me and you, can easily be seen as "difficult" in some situations. Which leads me to the first tip in Dealing With Difficult People:
Consider this about a difficult person:
They might just be having a bad day. See them as a regular person, and look to give them a temporary pass for their behavior. This works wonders for most encounters of the difficult kind.
But what if it's someone you know fairly well and they are a pain all the time? A temporary pass isn't going to cut it...
Realize this one key trait about chronically difficult people:
They are still human beings. Sure, they are rude and put a major cramp in people's days all over the place. How can they be so selfish? Can't they see that they are causing so much trouble? Maybe, but what if they don't realize it, or they have something going on in their life that is much bigger than a little rudeness? In this case, put yourself in their shoes and consider what the causes might be. Even if this doesn't change things, it may help you understand them better. Yes, you may need to use your imagination!Seek to understand. It is critical to realize that we are not all coming from the same frame of reference. What is tolerated or even revered behavior in some families or cultures could be considered in poor taste or downright unethical in others. When two people are not comparing apples to apples, they will likely never have full understanding. Realize too that people have different "wiring" in their brains; different ways of perceiving and dealing with the world around them, and of interacting with others. No approach is necessarily wrong, they are all just different. Attempt non-judging. If you don't respect them, it's very likely they don't respect you and see your behaviors as equally offensive (although you do not intend this outcome).
Pinpoint the specific areas of difficulty.
When dealing with a person, consider them as a whole person with only a few areas that need work instead of the reverse. a "halo effect" which assumes the worst about all things regarding them. Once you are able to separate the behaviors from the person, you are well on your way to better interactions with them.
Show them how it's done.
You know that saying about not worrying about your neighbors trash cans when your own lawn needs mowing? Focus on making your own improvements regardless of how masterful you may be. Strive for perfection if need be, becoming a better communicator and colleague/family member/friend. Not only does it benefit you, but you can show those "difficult" people how it's done. Remember that the energy you bring to every conversation is being broadcast out through your words, actions, and even your thoughts.
Prepare for interaction.
Take a few minutes before anticipated or scheduled meeting times to consider what you'd really like to see happen. Remind yourself they are a human being, and who knows maybe they are going through some personal tragedy that they don't talk about. Be the best example of a master communicator that you can be. Take the high road and assume positive intent, seek to understand their point of view , and even forgive their trespasses, acknowledging that no one is perfect.
Smile, knowing you are a better person for it.
Communicate With Confidence.
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Monday, February 15, 2010
Communicate With Confidence
Confidence. A priceless trait of master communicators and successful people everywhere...
How much confidence makes for just the right amount? Most people are willing to acknowledge they would like more confidence, especially when communicating in business and relationships. What follows are some concepts and techniques to help you create and exhibit more confidence in your communication:
The Message
What's the point? In order to communicate with confidence, you must first know what outcome you would like from your communication. What response or reaction are you hoping for? Once you've identifed the point, determine the key parts of the message and the best format, whether spoken, written, or otherwise communicated.
The Audience
You must also identify some of the traits of your audience, whether one person or a packed auditorium. What matters to them? Understand that regardless of your audience, almost everyone feels some degree of attention deficit, overstimulation, and/or overwhelm in our modern time. Concise, clear communication is always best.
An easy technique for holding others' attention is to express a specific number of items to follow and a succinct summary of each, to build on the concept of tell them what you're going to tell them-- because it lets them know exactly how long they have to pay attention. i.e. "There are 2 primary reasons our team should _____; the first is X, and the second is Y." Elaborate through meaningful examples or illustrative stories when appropriate, but be sure to cover the important points clearly.
Say More With Less
Direct communication is underused in our society. Many people fear being rude, but it's important to realize succinct comments don't have to be robotic or terse. Clear communication is a courtesy worth extending to everyone.
Leverage Your Expertise
Everyone is an expert on something, on some level. Therefore, anyone can strive to comfortable, or even worthy of, addressing a particular topic with others. Even if you don't necessarily feel like an expert, build your case (to yourself if helpful) before you start speaking so that you communicate with a feeling of authority. Comments that dilute a good point, express self doubt, or are thinking out loud such as "Well, let's think about this" "It's just my opinion" "What do you think?" "I'm not really sure, but..." may result in your audience wondering why they are listening to you, and your message will be lessened significantly. Use words and non verbal communication to make clear that you are intelligent, credible, and a powerful, dynamic person.
Prepare to deliver your message; practice when you can. The more important it is to you that your message be received well, the more preparation can help get the job done. Although it doesn't have to be time-consuming, there is no substitute; and as a bonus, preparation builds your confidence automatically. As an example, even professional speakers prepare and practice when giving a speech. For us Regular Joes, whether you are giving a speech on stage, asking your boss for a promotion, asking a prospect for business, or asking your sweetheart something important, the best way I've discovered to prepare for a successful presentation is to 1) Write everything out exactly, as though you might read from a script, in your own words. 2) Read it out loud several times all the way through, and share it with a trusted advisor if you have one, and practice your timing if needed. 3) Only memorize the main points by making an outline, highlighting, or using note cards, etc.... 3) Dress appropriately for the occasion and in a manner that boosts your confidence, get to the location early, remind yourself that you have prepared well, then picture the audience responding the way you'd like them to. 4) Forget about your detailed script and focus on delivering your message so that the audience benefits.
ACTIONS:
1. Practice clear, concise messaging: craft 2 sentences that say as much as possible in as few words as possible. (Hint: Ernest Hemingway was a master.)
2. Use the technique above for enumerating how many points you have, then quickly summarizing them. Do you notice a difference in your audience's reactions?
How much confidence makes for just the right amount? Most people are willing to acknowledge they would like more confidence, especially when communicating in business and relationships. What follows are some concepts and techniques to help you create and exhibit more confidence in your communication:
The Message
What's the point? In order to communicate with confidence, you must first know what outcome you would like from your communication. What response or reaction are you hoping for? Once you've identifed the point, determine the key parts of the message and the best format, whether spoken, written, or otherwise communicated.
The Audience
You must also identify some of the traits of your audience, whether one person or a packed auditorium. What matters to them? Understand that regardless of your audience, almost everyone feels some degree of attention deficit, overstimulation, and/or overwhelm in our modern time. Concise, clear communication is always best.
An easy technique for holding others' attention is to express a specific number of items to follow and a succinct summary of each, to build on the concept of tell them what you're going to tell them-- because it lets them know exactly how long they have to pay attention. i.e. "There are 2 primary reasons our team should _____; the first is X, and the second is Y." Elaborate through meaningful examples or illustrative stories when appropriate, but be sure to cover the important points clearly.
Say More With Less
Direct communication is underused in our society. Many people fear being rude, but it's important to realize succinct comments don't have to be robotic or terse. Clear communication is a courtesy worth extending to everyone.
Leverage Your Expertise
Everyone is an expert on something, on some level. Therefore, anyone can strive to comfortable, or even worthy of, addressing a particular topic with others. Even if you don't necessarily feel like an expert, build your case (to yourself if helpful) before you start speaking so that you communicate with a feeling of authority. Comments that dilute a good point, express self doubt, or are thinking out loud such as "Well, let's think about this" "It's just my opinion" "What do you think?" "I'm not really sure, but..." may result in your audience wondering why they are listening to you, and your message will be lessened significantly. Use words and non verbal communication to make clear that you are intelligent, credible, and a powerful, dynamic person.
Prepare to deliver your message; practice when you can. The more important it is to you that your message be received well, the more preparation can help get the job done. Although it doesn't have to be time-consuming, there is no substitute; and as a bonus, preparation builds your confidence automatically. As an example, even professional speakers prepare and practice when giving a speech. For us Regular Joes, whether you are giving a speech on stage, asking your boss for a promotion, asking a prospect for business, or asking your sweetheart something important, the best way I've discovered to prepare for a successful presentation is to 1) Write everything out exactly, as though you might read from a script, in your own words. 2) Read it out loud several times all the way through, and share it with a trusted advisor if you have one, and practice your timing if needed. 3) Only memorize the main points by making an outline, highlighting, or using note cards, etc.... 3) Dress appropriately for the occasion and in a manner that boosts your confidence, get to the location early, remind yourself that you have prepared well, then picture the audience responding the way you'd like them to. 4) Forget about your detailed script and focus on delivering your message so that the audience benefits.
ACTIONS:
1. Practice clear, concise messaging: craft 2 sentences that say as much as possible in as few words as possible. (Hint: Ernest Hemingway was a master.)
2. Use the technique above for enumerating how many points you have, then quickly summarizing them. Do you notice a difference in your audience's reactions?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Visualize It
Visualization is a simple, yet powerful technique to achieve what you want.
Many experts agree that the skill of visualization is more important than natural talent for successful athletes. Need I say more? You might fall into the trap of assuming it's too hard or too "foofy" to actually take a few minutes to visualize what you want to happen. And yes, it's human nature to avoid things that require even a little bit of effort.
What if you knew visualization was fool-proof and/or could get you something you wanted? Hmmm...what if you were on a gameshow and in order to win the $100,000 prize you had to prove you could visualize winning the prize on the show. They could stick sensors to your head to measure brain activity and give you 30 seconds to complete the task. Could you do it? Would you hesitate?
It's easy.
The average person easily visualizes what they do NOT want to happen, many times a day. You are familiar with this; it may be a coworker with an offhand comment about "worst-case scenario." This is a great skill, because it is a proven way to influence the future (more on this in another post) -- BUT when considering worst-case scenarios verus best-case scenarios, which do you think yields more desirable results?
What's stopping you?
"Seems too hard." "Not sure how." "I don't know what to picture." Let's cover how-to here. Think about your car and the way the seat feels under you, the feel of the steering wheel, and the sensation of accelerating to pass. Ok, now do NOT picture your house right now. Whatever you do, don't think of the way the door looks, the style of the handle, or your favorite place to sit and watch TV. Congratulations! You just visualized. That's it. Easy.
It's always on, so use it to your advantage.
Now you know that it works either way: when you want to think of something, or when you are just going along with what someone else brought up. Wouldn't you rather think about YOU? OK, start now. Consider what you are working toward. How does it feel in the moment you just realized you achieved the big goal? Where are you, what sensations are you experiencing? Describe it as though you are sharing the story with another person and you want them to get the full effect. Although the first time you do this, it could take a bit of time to determine the details, every time you picture it afterward, it comes faster and more clearly. There you go, you are visualzing your success! In just a few minutes.
ACTIONS:
1. Write down what you want to achieve.
2. Picture yourself achieving it, from your own perspective (as it feels in your own body to experience it).
3. Now, add some color and detail to the story, and write down this updated description.
4. Picture it once a day for the rest of this week, and twice daily every day next week.
Now you see it; now you see it.
Yeah, exactly.
Want some ways to make this easier and more fun? Check out some fantastic Vision Board Software. Download it and create a beautiful custom visual presentation to use on your computers and phones - in just minutes. I have it and I love it!
Many experts agree that the skill of visualization is more important than natural talent for successful athletes. Need I say more? You might fall into the trap of assuming it's too hard or too "foofy" to actually take a few minutes to visualize what you want to happen. And yes, it's human nature to avoid things that require even a little bit of effort.
What if you knew visualization was fool-proof and/or could get you something you wanted? Hmmm...what if you were on a gameshow and in order to win the $100,000 prize you had to prove you could visualize winning the prize on the show. They could stick sensors to your head to measure brain activity and give you 30 seconds to complete the task. Could you do it? Would you hesitate?
It's easy.
The average person easily visualizes what they do NOT want to happen, many times a day. You are familiar with this; it may be a coworker with an offhand comment about "worst-case scenario." This is a great skill, because it is a proven way to influence the future (more on this in another post) -- BUT when considering worst-case scenarios verus best-case scenarios, which do you think yields more desirable results?
What's stopping you?
"Seems too hard." "Not sure how." "I don't know what to picture." Let's cover how-to here. Think about your car and the way the seat feels under you, the feel of the steering wheel, and the sensation of accelerating to pass. Ok, now do NOT picture your house right now. Whatever you do, don't think of the way the door looks, the style of the handle, or your favorite place to sit and watch TV. Congratulations! You just visualized. That's it. Easy.
It's always on, so use it to your advantage.
Now you know that it works either way: when you want to think of something, or when you are just going along with what someone else brought up. Wouldn't you rather think about YOU? OK, start now. Consider what you are working toward. How does it feel in the moment you just realized you achieved the big goal? Where are you, what sensations are you experiencing? Describe it as though you are sharing the story with another person and you want them to get the full effect. Although the first time you do this, it could take a bit of time to determine the details, every time you picture it afterward, it comes faster and more clearly. There you go, you are visualzing your success! In just a few minutes.
ACTIONS:
1. Write down what you want to achieve.
2. Picture yourself achieving it, from your own perspective (as it feels in your own body to experience it).
3. Now, add some color and detail to the story, and write down this updated description.
4. Picture it once a day for the rest of this week, and twice daily every day next week.
Now you see it; now you see it.
Yeah, exactly.
Want some ways to make this easier and more fun? Check out some fantastic Vision Board Software. Download it and create a beautiful custom visual presentation to use on your computers and phones - in just minutes. I have it and I love it!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Are You Setting Goals, Uh-Hem, Properly?
Are you setting your goals with the idea that you will achieve them?
It may sound like a rhetorical question, yet it is not. Now I understand quite well that there a lot of people out there who prefer not to set goals or think about them. This post is for the rest of you.
It's absolutely flabbergasting how many people I run into daily that aren't setting the right goals, aren't setting goals with the idea they will actually achieve them, and aren't setting goals with the ability to measure their success (or failure)! This might be a lot to digest, so let's break it down:
Are you setting the right goals for YOU? Are you bending under the weight of others' expectations, or worrying about what everyone else thinks of your goals and achievements? Are you fully tuned into your own desires, needs, wants, preferences? In one of my MasterMind groups, we discussed one person's new goal- it was a specific salary goal, but the more he talked about it, the more everyone realized what he really wanted was a specific car, more time with his wife, some more travel, and professional recognition. Think about this as you are getting into the groove of your 2010 goal-achieving. There is more to come on this! Don't want to wait for "How Do You Know You've Set the Right Goals?"? Join the RESULTS forum now.)
Are you setting goals with an expectation that you will achieve them? Are you REALLY expecting to do it, or are you wishing things were different? There is a chasm between the two approaches. When you believe that you WILL perform, that you have the ability to stick with it and find the resources inside and out, even if things get difficult -- then you WILL do it. When you go into something doubting your ability to complete it, why do it at all? There are myriad reasons why people continually set goals and don't give it their all during the "do it" phase. Obviously, it's not about purposely causing a cycle of hope and failure.
Hopes up, hopes dashed, hopes up, hopes dashed again. Do you ever feel like this? How do you break the cycle? Set a goal that REALLY matters to you (see above). Your desire must be strong enough to carry you through the tough days, it must be personally relevant, and you must be emotionally attached to the outcome. This is precisely why burning one's own ships in battle to cut off option of retreat is so effective. This is precisely why when the chips are down, people pull through.
Don't take the easy way...set a stretch goal and GROW for it. Expect to both dislike and enjoy the ride, but fall in love with the expected outcome.
How will you know when you succeed or fail? If you tell me "I want more money," and I reach into my pocket, flick you a nickel, and say "OK, you have more money. Happy?," how will you feel? How much money do you want, by when, and what exactly are you going to do with it? Making a wish doesn't mean it will come true. But there is magic in spelling out all the details. Achieving goals requires specificity. In other words, if I don't set a specific goal, then I don't know when I hit the mark. I don't get to celebrate. This is bad; everyone needs to celebrate their successes!
Use the SMART framework every time you are acknowledging a goal: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. As an example, "I want to earn 20% more income by June 15, 2010 so that I can purchase a new blue truck with light grey leather seats, spend a week in Aruba, and invest another 5% of salary into my retirement funds during this calendar year."
TAKE ACTION:
1. Consider your current goals. Do they matter to you? Do they fire you up? What great things will occur once you've achieved them?
2. Re-evaluate and analyze your goals now. Do they take you out of your comfort zone, and are they attainable at the same time? Find ways to make sure you have some "skin in the game" and watch your performance rise.
3. Do your goals meet the SMART criteria? If not, rewrite them now. This will be difficult at first, but is very liberating because is clears up anxiety and uncertainty very quickly. You should also feel like some clear action items are ready to leap into your planner from this exercise!
Happy New Year! Make this one more personally meaningful than any year prior!
Learn more about Envision Success RESULTS programs.
It may sound like a rhetorical question, yet it is not. Now I understand quite well that there a lot of people out there who prefer not to set goals or think about them. This post is for the rest of you.
It's absolutely flabbergasting how many people I run into daily that aren't setting the right goals, aren't setting goals with the idea they will actually achieve them, and aren't setting goals with the ability to measure their success (or failure)! This might be a lot to digest, so let's break it down:
Are you setting the right goals for YOU? Are you bending under the weight of others' expectations, or worrying about what everyone else thinks of your goals and achievements? Are you fully tuned into your own desires, needs, wants, preferences? In one of my MasterMind groups, we discussed one person's new goal- it was a specific salary goal, but the more he talked about it, the more everyone realized what he really wanted was a specific car, more time with his wife, some more travel, and professional recognition. Think about this as you are getting into the groove of your 2010 goal-achieving. There is more to come on this! Don't want to wait for "How Do You Know You've Set the Right Goals?"? Join the RESULTS forum now.)
Are you setting goals with an expectation that you will achieve them? Are you REALLY expecting to do it, or are you wishing things were different? There is a chasm between the two approaches. When you believe that you WILL perform, that you have the ability to stick with it and find the resources inside and out, even if things get difficult -- then you WILL do it. When you go into something doubting your ability to complete it, why do it at all? There are myriad reasons why people continually set goals and don't give it their all during the "do it" phase. Obviously, it's not about purposely causing a cycle of hope and failure.
Hopes up, hopes dashed, hopes up, hopes dashed again. Do you ever feel like this? How do you break the cycle? Set a goal that REALLY matters to you (see above). Your desire must be strong enough to carry you through the tough days, it must be personally relevant, and you must be emotionally attached to the outcome. This is precisely why burning one's own ships in battle to cut off option of retreat is so effective. This is precisely why when the chips are down, people pull through.
Don't take the easy way...set a stretch goal and GROW for it. Expect to both dislike and enjoy the ride, but fall in love with the expected outcome.
How will you know when you succeed or fail? If you tell me "I want more money," and I reach into my pocket, flick you a nickel, and say "OK, you have more money. Happy?," how will you feel? How much money do you want, by when, and what exactly are you going to do with it? Making a wish doesn't mean it will come true. But there is magic in spelling out all the details. Achieving goals requires specificity. In other words, if I don't set a specific goal, then I don't know when I hit the mark. I don't get to celebrate. This is bad; everyone needs to celebrate their successes!
Use the SMART framework every time you are acknowledging a goal: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. As an example, "I want to earn 20% more income by June 15, 2010 so that I can purchase a new blue truck with light grey leather seats, spend a week in Aruba, and invest another 5% of salary into my retirement funds during this calendar year."
TAKE ACTION:
1. Consider your current goals. Do they matter to you? Do they fire you up? What great things will occur once you've achieved them?
2. Re-evaluate and analyze your goals now. Do they take you out of your comfort zone, and are they attainable at the same time? Find ways to make sure you have some "skin in the game" and watch your performance rise.
3. Do your goals meet the SMART criteria? If not, rewrite them now. This will be difficult at first, but is very liberating because is clears up anxiety and uncertainty very quickly. You should also feel like some clear action items are ready to leap into your planner from this exercise!
Happy New Year! Make this one more personally meaningful than any year prior!
Learn more about Envision Success RESULTS programs.
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