What I Learned in 7 Years in Business

OK, seriously, I can't possibly cover everything I've learned as a business owner over seven years in one post!  However, I wanted to share some of the highlights with others out there-- especially newish business owners, aspiring entrepreneurs, and those on the fence.

1. Make sure you like what you're going to be doing.  If you aren't sure yet, find some resources to help you figure it out.  Don't fall into the money trap.  The sayings are true: the money will come much more easily when you are contributing in a way that's enjoyable to you, and that others find valuable.  After 7 years, I have no "itch" to do anything else...
2. It's better to fail than to be afraid to make a move!

Business Relationship Success: 4 Habits to Master

These are certainly not complex, but for most people "life gets in the way," excuses are made, and somehow these no-brainers take a back seat to daily distractions.  During my daily listening to and reading motivational info from experts in business (an activity I highly recommend for everyone), I was reminded from Dan Sullivan of 4 simple habits when dealing with others in business (and life) that foster more success.  A blatant disregard for these 4 destroys trust, loses respect, and turns off previously raving fans. Most people agree these make sense and are not difficult, but they aren't doing them consistently.  For those that do, success is theirs.

WOM is the Key to Growing Your Business!

Do you find yourself wondering when all the effort is going to pay off and your business will start overflowing with profit?  Most all business owners in the growth phase feel doubt and fear about where the business is going to come from. The most successful get really strategic and do more WOM.  Just last week, I was sitting near the front in a meeting, and a guy stood up with the mic in his hand and said, "Hi, my name is Shawn. Uh, it's been three years since my last...

Communication: Going Beyond Verbal and Non-Verbal

Most everyone wants to improve their communication skills on some level, generally because we all understand that better communication can provide the key to better relationships, more success in business, more sales/revenue, happier customers, and engaged employees.  Most everyone understands that communication is not exactly as simple as 2 cans and some string.  Often, we experience challenges communicating with certain types of people.  Or, ahem, very specific people; a family member, coworker, former boss, former friend, ex significant other, etc...  It doesn't seem as simple as "Message Sent.  Message Received."  It's not.

Beyond the verbal simplicity of communicating with others, all the various non-verbal actions add layers of complexity to any face-to-face conversation. Yet there is more beyond this.  What about all the assumptions that both sides bring to the table, often before they have even met?

The Halo Effect
Have you ever witnessed a parent who looks right past all their child's dastardly behavior and swears up and down their child is the most angelic, perfect kid?  Often they are not just saying that; they really believe it.  This is the halo effect; when every word and deed of the child is seen as proof they are angelic.  The parent in this case, has their mind made up, and they can see only the good in their child's behavior.  You've seen this at work too with bosses and their favorites. When a person is tuned into certain behavior and expectations regarding another person, and over time enough things "prove" this to be true, at a certain point almost every single thing they do and say will strengthen the belief that they will always meet these expectations.

The Opposite of a Halo is...
The halo effect also works the other way: when you believe someone will behave badly or fail time and time again, they will seem to consistently you right.  Again, we can cite examples of parent/child and boss/employee.  You have likely worked with someone or remember a kid in school that everyone thought was weird.  Everything they said was weird, their clothes seemed weird, and no one wanted to pick them for Dodgeball or debate team.  However, I'd be willing to bet that if the popular kid in class said or did some of those exact same things, people would have reacted very differently.

What about when the tables are turned? 
Have you been the recipient of the halo effect, either good or bad?  Were you teacher's favorite?  Or always getting in trouble for stuff you didn't do?  One of my clients about a year ago came to me because she was miserable regarding her work and wanted to consider other career options. Somehow the halo effect had turned her work group against her.  NOTE: this person is very sweet, sincerly nice, courteous, intelligent, pretty quiet, kind of good looking, and quite stylish.  Unfortunately something started it, probably a very minor misunderstanding and well over some period of time, it seemed that this group could only see shortfalls in this person.  She was given a poor performance review, although none of the problems could be substantiated; unfortunately her manager had fallen prey to the halo effect too, in a bad way. She left that company and started doing something else and is much happier now, and has good relationships in her work and personal life.  Bottom line: the light cast by the halo effect is very powerful, especially when it becomes a belief held by multiple people in a group.  In this case, and in many others, the belief is not the reality...   We've all witnessed experienced something similar- in school, at work, in other groups, maybe even at church or community groups.

The Halo Effect on Relationships
To an extent it seems like human nature, and it is. We label, categorize, and stereotype.  Consider the influence that these inaccurate assumptions have on communication between people, your own communication, your relationships at work, in your life. 

Who have you -maybe- cast the halo effect on where what you see reflected is something other than reality?  On some level, just about everybody you know.  Think about it...how many people understand YOU, your thoughts, your silly private jokes, your humor, your worries, your quirks?  What if they were constantly misinterpreted because people already had their mind made up about you?  How many people knows you very, very well? 

This isn't about you feeling bad, it's about awareness and realizing what type of expectations you have of other people.  Consider your next planned conversation, maybe it's a meeting or social occasion, and the person you'll be talking with.  Have you been making some assumptions about them?  Are you expecting some behavior or thoughts of them that you can't really be sure about?  Try something different this time: right now, think about what potential they have and what could happen, what are they really capable of, if given a real chance.

Now you have some understanding of the power of the halo effect on communication, on relationships, on potentially every conversation and transaction in your daily life and work.  Really notice this week when you observe this happening, and consider the how the result might be different if the expectations were different. 

ACTION:
Think of one person each in your professional and personal arenas.  What if you start expecting the best, realistic outcome from these people? 

An Even More Powerful Effect
One final take-away:  Have you unknowingly been applying the halo effect to yourself?  Good or bad? What expectations do you have of yourself? Do you find that everything you do just proves your case?  It's not just about communication, but yes the halo effect definitively has power in your relationships, with others, and with yourself.  Acknowledge when based on assumption verus fact...true knowledge is power!

Partners in Business: from the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly –to Great!

How to profit from and enjoy each other’s personal and professional strengths in business.

Choosing a partner in business is just as important as choosing the right marriage partner, yet many people “fall into bed with” someone in business and "wake up" later wondering what happened. It starts innocently enough, as a fun idea over drinks after-hours, then suddenly it can take on a personality of its own and can overwhelm a friendship or other relationship with all the sticky details of running a business. The stress builds and soon the partners can hardly stand each other, from the varying ways they prioritize business activities, different approaches with clients or employees, and annoying personal habits they bring to the office.

We all know roughly the statistics on marriages that break up citing financial reasons…is it any wonder that most business partnerships end for similar reasons?  However, most often financial problems are symptom of relationship problems or partnership “personality” challenges.

Creating Great Partnerships for Great Business:
I. Choose the right partner; this critical step is often flubbed up. Take time for discussions about many aspects of the business, go through what-if scenarios, and expectations.

II. Create the partnership business plan and agreement together before the business really takes off.  Both of these are best when kept simple but usable.  Hire an attorney familiar with partnership contracts, and actually go through the process of discussing and agreeing. (I believe this step alone could prevent as much as 50% of future partnership dissolution.)

III. Check to see if you have the same dream, as far as what the business provides. Are you assuming early retirement and moving to the Caribbean, when your partner is planning to work in the office daily until they pry his cold, dead fingers from the desk? What about the vision for the business? Maybe one partner is expecting to expand into new markets, while the other feels it ruins the integrity of the business to grow beyond one location. It takes conversation and brainstorming strategically (and sometimes a facilitator or coach) to be on the same page. And agreement; what may seem like a grudging compromise can grow into a solution where both partners are truly happy.

IV. Establish policies, guidelines, or protocols for doing business and handling common activities.  What criteria do you use in decision-making? Do half your employees follow one partner’s guidelines, and half the other’s? Do your staff members feel they get caught in the crossfire? Consider how this affects the work environment, the clientele, the bottom line.

Many partnerships go through “the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” phases and sadly most that get to this point break up. Some come to another end, hopefully with an arrangement that allows them to resume their former camaraderie without financial strain. Some partners buy the business, others agree to switch to silent/investor-only/limited partnerships and let the more business-talented partner act as business owner, and others form a custom arrangement that allows for win/win.

Then again, some partners (the few, the proud) work out their differences, get their purpose, mission, and goals aligned, and become Great Partnerships, running Great businesses. Yes, it is worth some consideration. After all, you were attracted to the idea of working together once upon a time…

ACTION: Answer the following questions separately, and then discuss together.
*What made the partnership such a great idea back then?
*What are the top 3 things your partner brings to the partnership?
*What do see as the top 3 things you bring to the partnership?
*How can you work together to create more positive business results?

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Through the end of June 2010: SWOT Analysis for Business Owners. Up to three partners, same price as one owner. Only $350.


Also great for Partners: “Purpose, Mission, Goals” 3 month coaching program, only $1500.  Focus is on where all the time, money, and effort goes, and specifically what long- and short-term results are expected.  What results would you like to change first?

Dealing With Difficult People

This is a topic that keeps coming up in professional circles over and over. Why such a hot topic? Is the world filled with horribly rude people, stepping on each others' toes? Well, while there are some horribly rude people out there, but the vast majority of "difficult" people are just like you -and me. People who get things done, people who are in a hurry, people who have trouble hearing or speaking are often seen as difficult. Regular people, me and you, can easily be seen as "difficult" in some situations. Which leads me to the first tip in Dealing With Difficult People:

Consider this about a difficult person:
They might just be having a bad day. See them as a regular person, and look to give them a temporary pass for their behavior. This works wonders for most encounters of the difficult kind.

But what if it's someone you know fairly well and they are a pain all the time? A temporary pass isn't going to cut it...

Realize this one key trait about chronically difficult people:

They are still human beings. Sure, they are rude and put a major cramp in people's days all over the place. How can they be so selfish? Can't they see that they are causing so much trouble? Maybe, but what if they don't realize it, or they have something going on in their life that is much bigger than a little rudeness? In this case, put yourself in their shoes and consider what the causes might be. Even if this doesn't change things, it may help you understand them better. Yes, you may need to use your imagination!

Seek to understand.  It is critical to realize that we are not all coming from the same frame of reference. What is tolerated or even revered behavior in some families or cultures could be considered in poor taste or downright unethical in others. When two people are not comparing apples to apples, they will likely never have full understanding. Realize too that people have different "wiring" in their brains; different ways of perceiving and dealing with the world around them, and of interacting with others. No approach is necessarily wrong, they are all just different. Attempt non-judging. If you don't respect them, it's very likely they don't respect you and see your behaviors as equally offensive (although you do not intend this outcome).

Pinpoint the specific areas of difficulty.
When dealing with a person, consider them as a whole person with only a few areas that need work instead of the reverse. a "halo effect" which assumes the worst about all things regarding them. Once you are able to separate the behaviors from the person, you are well on your way to better interactions with them.

Show them how it's done.
You know that saying about not worrying about your neighbors trash cans when your own lawn needs mowing?  Focus on making your own improvements regardless of how masterful you may be.  Strive for perfection if need be, becoming a better communicator and colleague/family member/friend.  Not only does it benefit you, but you can show those "difficult" people how it's done. Remember that the energy you bring to every conversation is being broadcast out through your words, actions, and even your thoughts.

Prepare for interaction.
Take a few minutes before anticipated or scheduled meeting times to consider what you'd really like to see happen. Remind yourself they are a human being, and who knows maybe they are going through some personal tragedy that they don't talk about. Be the best example of a master communicator that you can be. Take the high road and assume positive intent, seek to understand their point of view , and even forgive their trespasses, acknowledging that no one is perfect.

Smile, knowing you are a better person for it.
Communicate With Confidence.

Communicate With Confidence

Confidence.  A priceless trait of master communicators and successful people everywhere... 

How much confidence makes for just the right amount?  Most people are willing to acknowledge they would like more confidence, especially when communicating in business and relationships.  What follows are some concepts and techniques to help you create and exhibit more confidence in your communication:

The Message
What's the point? In order to communicate with confidence, you must first know what outcome you would like from your communication.  What response or reaction are you hoping for?  Once you've identifed the point, determine the key parts of the message and the best format, whether spoken, written, or otherwise communicated.

The Audience
You must also identify some of the traits of your audience, whether one person or a packed auditorium.  What matters to them? Understand that regardless of your audience, almost everyone feels some degree of attention deficit, overstimulation, and/or overwhelm in our modern time. Concise, clear communication is always best.

An easy technique for holding others' attention is to express a specific number of items to follow and a succinct summary of each, to build on the concept of tell them what you're going to tell them-- because it lets them know exactly how long they have to pay attention. i.e. "There are 2 primary reasons our team should _____; the first is X, and the second is Y."  Elaborate through meaningful examples or illustrative stories when appropriate, but be sure to cover the important points clearly. 

Say More With Less
Direct communication is underused in our society.  Many people fear being rude, but it's important to realize succinct comments don't have to be robotic or terse.  Clear communication is a courtesy worth extending to everyone.

Leverage Your Expertise
Everyone is an expert on something, on some level.  Therefore, anyone can strive to comfortable, or even worthy of, addressing a particular topic with others. Even if you don't necessarily feel like an expert, build your case (to yourself if helpful) before you start speaking so that you communicate with a feeling of authority.  Comments that dilute a good point, express self doubt, or are thinking out loud such as "Well, let's think about this" "It's just my opinion" "What do you think?" "I'm not really sure, but..." may result in your audience wondering why they are listening to you, and your message will be lessened significantly.  Use words and non verbal communication to make clear that you are intelligent, credible, and a powerful, dynamic person. 

Prepare to deliver your message; practice when you can.  The more important it is to you that your message be received well, the more preparation can help get the job done.  Although it doesn't have to be time-consuming, there is no substitute; and as a bonus, preparation builds your confidence automatically.  As an example, even professional speakers prepare and practice when giving a speech.  For us Regular Joes, whether you are giving a speech on stage, asking your boss for a promotion, asking a prospect for business, or asking your sweetheart something important, the best way I've discovered to prepare for a successful presentation is to 1) Write everything out exactly, as though you might read from a script,  in your own words.  2) Read it out loud several times all the way through, and share it with a trusted advisor if you have one, and practice your timing if needed.  3) Only memorize the main points by making an outline, highlighting, or using note cards, etc.... 3) Dress appropriately for the occasion and in a manner that boosts your confidence, get to the location early, remind yourself that you have prepared well, then picture the audience responding the way you'd like them to. 4) Forget about your detailed script and focus on delivering your message so that the audience benefits.

ACTIONS:
1. Practice clear, concise messaging: craft 2 sentences that say as much as possible in as few words as possible. (Hint: Ernest Hemingway was a master.)
2.  Use the technique above for enumerating how many points you have, then quickly summarizing them.  Do you notice a difference in your audience's reactions?

Relationships: Week 7

This week's focus is on strengthening & developing relationships.

Read about other focus areas.


My intention in developing this trait is pretty straight-forward, so frankly it's just a matter of determining which relationships to focus on and doing it!


First for me is my husband; like many other happy marriages, ours is also rife with busy schedules and less time together than we'd like. I committed to doing some nice things for him and for us, spending time as much as possible this week.


Other key relationships include family, friends, and clients. My to-do list could have just hatched out about a million more things to develop each of these relationships---but I resisted this and determined to be more mindful of the value of relationships this week, and to be more fully present when spending time with people I care about.


I succeeded this week- especially in terms of a general improvement in intention, awareness, and actions. The next time I visit this trait, I would like to add sending personal notes and cards to 5 people each day for that week, using SendOutCards.