What is Relaxed Control?
Relaxed anything sure sounds good. And control over the work day too. But what the heck does relaxed control really mean? And how does a person go about having it?
Relaxed control is a sort-of opposite to how most working people feel these days, at least some of the time: frantic, overwhelmed, reactive, under-the-gun, stressed, anxious, over-stimulated; you get the idea. In fact, you might feel more tense just after reading this (!).
So whoa, let's slow things down. Relaxed control is a way of being that allows thought processes to take place that tap into one's creative genius, allows the body to respond rather than react, and allows for a more consistent flow of energy throughout the day.
Relaxed control is a mindset. It may take a bit of practice, but I assure you that anyone is totally capable of experiencing this on a daily basis in their work, or in any other circumstances.
My Story
I know, because I am living proof. I used to get worked up, tense, sometimes angry or emotional about interruptions, unplanned changes, people being rude, things being unfair, not having enough time to get all my work done, being "graded" on circumstances I couldn't control, etc... You can relate? Wow, small world.
Now I am able to see things from a different perspective and I don't waste energy or experience negative emotions due to things that I cannot control. Instead I place positive intentional focus on the desired outcomes in a variety of circumstances and on my being more effective toward creating all or part of those desired/expected outcomes. And frankly I can say with conviction and no tongue-in-cheekness whatsoever that every day is a good day. I don't have "bad days" in my work any more. I don't have "bad days" at all - not even from last week's ridiculous airline delays that caused me to miss a family rehearsal dinner. It would have been great to be there, but ultimately the purpose of the trip was still fulfilled. So I didn't let it ruin my day or the whole trip. Why would I give that "power" away?
Sure, I may have stressful moments, and yes I am human and I too cannot possibly get everything on my "to-do list" completed within the next few years, but it just doesn't bother me like it used to. I am able to gain perspective at a moment's notice and see what is going well and see my opportunities to go more in the direction I'd like, and then I act. This has resulted in my being much happier and also more effective.
As an example, this could be something as simple as asking "How can I _______?" when confronted with unexpected changes, or letting someone in front of me in traffic and smiling about it, rather than being so occupied with how I am going to get through traffic faster. After all, if I am running late, I am the one who put myself in that situation, and I'll get there when I get there.
Often, I say out loud, " I have more than enough time for everything that is important to me." And it's true. I have never once dropped the ball and suffered terrible consequences for it - I always get things done that really need to be done. I may let things go that don't really matter. Or it might be in the nick of time, but after all, there are generally no points for finishing early. Why put that on yourself?
It's not about a lack of feeling or being blase or naive or even happy-go-lucky because I don't think anyone would describe me in those ways at all. It's more about seeing the bigger picture any time I need to.
How Can You Get There?
Evaluate your expectations. Determine what you really WANT. Focus more on the goal than on the obstacles. Allow yourself to be "good enough" when it makes sense. And relax. The control lies in controlling yourself and your emotions and your own expectations. You'll feel better; you'll get more done; you'll be living proof that relaxed control is a better way to approach work and life.
Enjoy!
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