Managing Work-Related Stress

What is a typical work day like for a modern working professional? It’s often described as hectic, or frustrating, or rushed...but also as productive, sometimes as satisfying.  However, most people describe their work days in terms of all the elements they do NOT have control over.

Relaxed Control
What does this mean? You may think this is an oxymoron (like 'jumbo shrimp'), but I believe it is a much better way to describe the opposite of stressed than “not stressed.”  First, however, let's establish what stress is.

Stress is...a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. Or: physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.

A client of mine "Kathy" is a project leader in a large company. She came to me originally because she felt so unhappy about her work shewanted to talk about career options. However in her case, another job was not the solution and we went to work on some of the very things I’ll share with you here. After a short time of working together, Kathy told me her husband commented about how much happier she was, and the more we talked she realized she didn’t have the Sunday blues any more. Her coworkers did not change, her boss did not change, her work did not change much at all, but she did start working on projects she liked more and using her talents better for herself and for the company. The main difference that caused Kathy’s stress level to dial way back was merely applying these mindsets and using these techniques. They are easy to apply immediately and if you choose, will make a significant difference for you too.

Stress Less?
What's the difference between managing stress and preventing stress?  In our work processes, we know all too well the differences between managing and preventing problems, and this is essentially the same approach.  Some factors can be addressed to prevent and reduce stress, so like anything else, it’s generally far better to be strategic than to just accept what comes your way.

**Think about your Top 3 Stressors, or your top 3 challenges that cause you stress. Another way to determine what stresses you out is to list out some tolerations, or things that you are putting up with from yourself, your work, your life, or other people. It may help to consider your various environments.

Take Responsibility for the Quality of Your Days
You can have a balanced, happy, productive life by applying some simple, proven concepts. As a business coach I often help my clients focus on ways to WORK BETTER so they can LIVE MORE LIFE. So how do you Work Better (get more done in less time) in order to Live More Life (do what you really want)?

You own your day, no one else can force you to feel a certain way or to do things that you don't want to do.  Yes, sometimes it feels like choosing the lesser of two bad options, but it is still a choice.  So how do we strive for a more quality experience in work or life, especially on those days when we feel, well, Maxed Out?

If you approach the day with a sense of rushed frustration, saying something like” Today is gonna be rough, I have so much to do, I have to call so-and-so, and I have this meeting, and my boss said she wants to talk later about that project, AH I’d really like to play hooky today but I really can’t. Ugh!” it is guaranteed to be a stressful day.  Versus taking an approach of “Today I have a lot going on and I want this to be a really great day! I may just close the deal with so-and-so, and I have an opportunity to speak up in that meeting, and this afternoon I’m going to suggest at least one way I can add more value to the project and I going to ask my boss to support me on this."

Decide What You Want
Believe it or not, knowing what you want ion life and working toward something specific that you want lessens your stress considerably.

One of the best ways to increase your feeling in control is to manage your activities better. See various other posts on Effectiveness & Time Management in this blog.  Another great way to be more relaxed and feel more in control is through Mind Games. This is not about playing mind games, but using the power of the mind to beat the stress game.  Decide what you want and focus on that.

Positive Expectation
When entering into any situation, project, sales meeting, conversation with your boss or that difficult coworker or client, begin with the end in mind. Once you’ve established a good understanding of your desired outcome, then you want to use your creative mind to turn that Desired Outcome into a Positive Expectation. Any person with an imagination is capable of this, it’s fun, and it produces awesome results. Ok, so a little more how-to:

Consider how you want to feel at the end of the conversation, or the end of your day.  Then use words that indicate it has already happened like you want, and is not merely wishful thinking.

**Think about your top three stress challenges right now, and the tolerations in your work and life. What do you want to change? Let’s take that one step further. What is your positive expectation, framed in the affirmative?  As an example: Maybe, "I stay late at work too often." becomes "I want to leave work on time."  WHY?  Then take it to the next level which is far more powerful, such as, saying at the end of a work day, “I feel satisfied with a job well done today and I look forward to cooking dinner with my family.”

Setting your Purpose, Mission, or Goal
Specifically, what are you working toward? Take a look in your calendar(s) and your bank statement(s) --this is where your time and money is going. Consider what you REALLY want in your life and work. What do you want to be known for? What do you want to change over the next few weeks, months, year?

How can you possibly get from A to B if you don’t know what B is? Do you just get in your car and start driving aimlessly? NO, before you get to the end of your street, you know your desired destination. Strangely, most people don’t know what they want. Like most people, I used to spend more time determining where to go for dinner, or making out my shopping list than determining what to accomplish over the next year.

Ponder your purpose, your big picture, i.e. "Why are you here?"  Determine the Mission you are on right now, maybe it's your career or a large project regarding your household or community.  What are your passions?  If you haven't done so already, write down a primary goal, something specific enough so that you know when you succeeded and can celebrate, and something personally meaningful for YOU. 

Hints: Saying you want more time or money isn't specific enough– what will you do when you have the time or money? **Write down 2 things you would do more of if you didn’t have to worry about time or money.  Also, it's not enough to say, I just want to be happy.  You are fully in control of that right now, regardless of your present situation.  Happiness is a state of mind that you deserve to feel daily and is not a goal or mission or purpose statement.  **Take 5 minutes and answer the following: What helps you create or sustain your own happiness and why?

Relaxed Control in Summary
When you catch yourself saying things like, “He makes me mad!” or “I felt sick about that.” Or “My heart skipped a beat.” Or “I never have enough time!,” acknowledge that it is your response to something or someone--and you made youself feel mad or sick or nervous; stressed.

When striving for a state of relaxed control, you realize fully that your responses are always within your control, even if they seem to be at super-speed in the subconscious, and these directly affect the level of stress you experience...and with practice they will be more and more as intentional responses rather then conditioned reactions.

Your Challenge
Will you commit to ONE of these for 21 days, and see what amazing things happen? Are you ready to experience that Relaxed Control?  Imagine how different life will be in less than a month! 

What is your new, positive expectation for yourself? What do you have to gain? What do you have to lose?

See also Are You Truly Effective? and Tackling Procrastination

The Unexpected Value of Office Gossip

This is a personal story about the power of the grapevine in the office...

Once upon a time, I worked for a company that didn’t really value its employees as people or as resources. Surprisingly, the company was quite small so it felt like people truly mattered. The smallness provided an inherent focus on people because we all knew each other --so well since we could overhear pretty much every conversation unless behind closed doors. While it seemed people-centric on the surface, we eventually noticed that none of the policies or procedures or decisions were ever for the employee’s benefit, nor were they even win/win…they were always “for” the bottom line.

Management was crafty about putting a spin on announcements, so that they actually thought we bought their argument about whatever decision made was for the best- for the company and its employees. But it was a sham.  People talked all the time about it, in the hallway to the bathroom, in the kitchenette, out in the parking lot after hours.  People lamented why they worked there.

I had been working there almost 3 years when a series of policies were changed for the worse, again, and salary adjustments were like a slap in the face. It was disheartening to say the least, and almost 6 months later I prepared to leave the company. I’ll never forget what came next. Management expressed shock and dismay, and concern over what would happen to many things that were my responsibility across the company. Most notably, they just couldn’t imagine why I wanted to leave. They didn’t even fake consideration regarding what was best for me, or offer congratulations on taking a more prestigious job more related to my college degree.

A few days later, my direct manager sat me down to discuss reasons for leaving. I thought it was to evaluate what the company could have done to keep me as a happy, productive, valued employee (as they claimed I was), and determine how best to transition my duties & projects.  However, these were not discussed since my manager was far more concerned with what the office memo would say announcing my departure. I was probed and prodded until finally the reason for my leaving was determined (NOT due to the crappy employee policies, a laughable salary, and my lack of will to go on in a company without a real purpose.).

The memo went out the next day announcing I "was going back to school.” Because I understood the power of office gossip and valued it more than these managers, I realized I had but one final duty to perform.  I found myself going along with what was expected of me, attempting to tame the destructive nature of the grapevine and putting a positive spin on the announcement, like too sweet icing on a ruined cake. It was hard to keep a straight face when everyone who worked there knew most of the truth, and yet I explained that the firm I was joining offered an education reimbursement program and I wanted to complete graduate school (well yeah, someday).

For me, this was like the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. I did stay in touch with a few people, and discovered that one by one, they all left that company for similar reasons. It turns out the grapevine was never tamed because employees knew they were never getting the truth from management.  People spent a whole lot of time talking and philosophizing and assuming and whining about all the topics that management made announcements about.  They missed the mark on honesty and forethought.

As Stephen Denning reminds us in Squirrel Inc, "Every organization has a shadow aspect, hidden but alive---pulsing, throbbing, and moving.  Once a leader realizes its existence and its role in the organization, its energy can be harnessed to deal with the rumors and bad news that flow through it."   The mistake this company made was thinking they could outsmart the grapevine with announcements that fell far short of honesty.  I share this story in a spirit of "lessons learned" for all managers, owners, leaders, and employees everywhere dealing with the grapevine in their place of work.  Use it well, my friends!
 
As for me, I moved on. Fortunately I realized it really wasn’t personal, and in fact the problem was that it wasn’t personal enough. Management did not, through word or deed, respect employees as human beings.  Now I feel truly thankful for the experience, because I learned the value of water-cooler talk versus the management memo, and it made me a far better manager, leader, and business owner.

Moving Forward Despite the Fear

One of my favorite phrases is "feel the fear and do it anyway!"
It's inspirational, motivational, & a classic in the making -- but how realistic is it?  How many people can live and work by this credo?  Consider those who we idolize in our society...many of our greatest heroes and heroines did just that, and we collectively are better off because of them.

So how can we apply it to real life, and experience the benefits of stepping out of our comfort zone on a regular basis?  This is NOT just about people we consider larger-than-life, or fables, or even movies (i.e.Yes Man).

I was faced with an assignment from one of my MasterMind groups this week: to use the art of storytelling defined in Stephen Denning's "Squirrel Inc" to tell my own story that illustrates Who I Am and builds trust.  As a business coach, I thought a bit about which stories would be most compelling for my clients and other people in my life and work.  I had a tough time thinking that anything I have done personally merits the use of formal storytelling - it seemed to place too much importance on my little life.  However, I realized that I really DO live my life continuously seeking ways to help others, and realized that like any other person on this planet, I have stories to tell and lessons to share.  So here goes:

I was taught to play it safe.
My parents were strict, we moved around all the time, lived at what most considered poverty level, and I distinctly remember being the least popular kid in my elementary school classes.  I was painfully shy, and I spent a lot of time being uncomfortable in my own skin. 
I was afraid.

We moved a lot 'cause dad was in the military, and sometimes we moved in with grandparents, zig-zagging across the nation and around the world.  Life was always shaking things up, and I guess I learned to adapt.  All my life I never thought of myself as a brave person; I was merely the responsible oldest child.  But always I wanted things to be different, better, I wanted more...

Flash forward some decades, and now people often describe me as very different from how I was then.  It started in High School when I reluctantly agreed to do solos in band, and in choir, and in church.  I was shaking so much that the audiences could hear it in my performances, but I did it anyway.  I guess it never occurred to me to say 'No' to something I wanted.

I started considering other possibilities and I started saying Yes to things.  I moved away to college in Texas; I didn't know anyone before I went.  I lived with a family in France for a whole summer; I had never even talked to them before I arrived on their doorstep.  And the first time I ever rented a car was my 2nd week at a job, I had to drive my new coworkers around a very large and unfamiliar city.  But I pulled it off.  Every time.  Probably no one was the wiser, and people started referring to me as brave and confident.

I've lived a LOT of great life this way, knowing I won't choose an utterly bonehead move, and I won't let myself totally fail, and I won't say 'No' just because I am afraid.  Actually, one of my best Yes's was starting my own business to help others determine what they want to be different, to say YES and to step through fear, and then to rise to the challenge. 

And that's how I got here, doing this, today.

So- Figure out what it is you desire.  And then FEAL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!!